31 Days of Horror: Year 6 - Part 1

Happy October everyone. Before we get started, I need to send a huge THANK YOU to the lovely James "Dr. Terror" Harris for the awesome logo he designed for me, that now sits proudly at the top of this blog. One more step towards looking like a legit website.

If you don't know by now, I like to celebrate the entire month of October with the 31 Days of Horror, where I try to cram in as many horror films as possible, and I give you, my wonderful reader(s?), the results. I am by no means Mr. Originality here, but I found it enjoyable enough to do for 6 straight years. I often wish I had this idea a decade ago. Ah well...

This year: NO RULES. No forcing myself to watch a new movie every other movie. No Part 2uesday. No Sci-Fi Saturdays. NOTHING. The only thing I'm continuing from last year is the Kill Count from each movie, which Dead Heat was the winner of last year with 31 on-screen deaths.

Now, let's get into the shit-heap that's been October 2013 so far:

MOVIE 1

I decided to start this year's 31DOH with what I thought would be a fun event: A "Written & Directed By" Wes Craven Double Feature, and boy oh boy, would *I* ever be wrong.

It's been 20 years since I've seen the original Last House, so besides the film's rapey content, I'd forgotten all of it. I do remember watching it with my friends all those years ago and finding this film to be incredibly unsettling, which was probably the appropriate reaction. But by this point of my life, Last House is amateur hour when it comes to sex and violence. I guess after watching A Serbian Film, not much else is ever going to shock you.

Still, the original Last House on the Left is an incredibly well done craft of horror storytelling(the remake ain't half bad either) and is a tent-pole of the Video Nasty period of the 1980s.

The only thing this movie suffers from is that it was one chainsaw short of having a legit chainsaw fight, keeping it from true 

fuck-splosion greatness. Ah well....

Body Count: 6

Best Scene: The Third House on the Right ordered a bunch of pizzas to The Last House on the Left. Boy, were they ever peeved. "What're we gonna do with pizza for 70 people?? Hey, our daughter's been raped. Ask if she wants pizza."

One More Thing: I need the score/soundtrack from this movie. If anyone can help me locate a copy, I'd be eternally grateful.

MOVIE 2

Yeah. This movie sucks a dick. 30 minutes in and I had no idea what the hell was going on. 30! Minutes! Now I realize that dialogue was really never Craven's strong suit(I can relate), but every line in this movie is embarrassing. So much so that one line in particular made me shut this off and not watch another movie for 4 days. THIS FUCKING PILE OF PIG SHIT ALMOST RUINED 31 DAYS OF HORROR FOR ME. YES I KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS THAT SOUNDS. WHO PUT GUM ON MY CAPS LOCK?

Wanna know how much I care about revisiting My Soul to Take? When changing out DVDs, I sat it on my dresser, and went to grab it's case. The disc proceeded to fall underneath my dresser, where I never bothered to recover it. Not out of laziness, but pure disdain for it's existence.

One day I'll move out of here to a new place, and while cleaning I'll randomly find My Soul To Take, covering in dust and toenails, and I'll remember the anger. Oh yes... I will remember.

Body Count: 4, before I turned it off.

Best Kill: Some asian kid was pushed off a bridge or something who cares.

One More Thing: The scene/dialogue that made me shut this turd off:

Scene - The Woods

Set up - The Reaper(ugh what?) guts the high school jock, asks if he has any last words.

Jock - "Tell my unborn baby I love her."

Jock dies.

Reaper - "Fuck your unborn baby!" 

ARRG! *finds disc, snaps it in half, starts cutting wrist with it*

MOVIE 3

After I'd almost giving up for the rest of the month because of My Soul To Take, I knew I had to cleanse my pallet with something I knew I'd love.

There's not much more I can say about this that I haven't in previous years, except that if you haven't seen it yet, do so with as little knowledge about the story as possible. It's a perfect Halloween movie without having anything to do with Halloween.

Body Count: 5

Best Scene: This year, I'm going with the burn victim, but only because of how it catches you off guard, and leads to other deaths throughout the film.

One More Thing: If you need anymore reasons to watch this fantastic story, just know that it was written by the great Dan O'Bannon, whose works include Return of the Living Dead and Alien, among others.

MOVIE 4

This is just about as goofy a movie as I've ever seen. I mean, the original Blob isn't exactly serious, but it does what it can. As a lifelong MSTie and Horror-hound, it makes it easier for me to enjoy this stupid movie as it is. Watch with a group of friends while drinking heavily.

Body Count: 12(plus 1 fly, 1 kitten, 1 dog and possibly a bedroom slipper)

Best Scene: The dialogue between the barber and the dirty hippy had me cracking up: "I don't cut hair, I sculpt hair. Do you want a hair-sculpt?" As the barber proceeds to stick the hippy's head into a sink filled with the Blob. WOMP womp.

One More Thing: Burgess Meredith makes an uncredited appearance as a hobo. "You're a bum, Blob!"

MOVIE 5

A fantastic slice of fried gold, this alien-invasion-in-the-english-ghetto is better than it sounds, as most descriptions I had read before watching did not do it justice. Just make sure you watch it with subtitles, because this movie has a metric fuck-ton of cockney slang. Give it a watch, bruv.

Body Count: 6

Best Death: Black Turtle gets his throat ripped out by an alien wolf monster thing.

One More Thing: NECA needs to make figures of the creatures ASAP.

MOVIE 6

I watched this over at a friend's house, and let's just say things got a little hazy during our viewing. I do know that this is perfect to watch with Attack the Block.

The real charm of Deadly Spawn is that it's really a good movie, that's just filmed on the lowest budget imaginable. Not a slam, just pointing it out.

Body Count: 3, but there was probably a few more. I was hazy BIG TIME at this point. There's definitely a few tea party grandma's that are unaccounted for.

Best Death: SOMEONE gets their head bitten-off and their limp body falls out a window in a spectacular fashion.

One More Thing: Going by how The Deadly Spawn ends, if they ever made a direct sequel, it would've been a Godzilla-ish/Kaiju style film. Now that I realize this, I'm pretty bummed it was never made.

MOVIE 7

I'm gonna admit something right now: I was never a huge Child's Play fan. Nope. Saw the original in grade school, and years later saw part 3 in theaters(with the help of my grandmom as I was too young to buy the ticket), but that was it. Never saw part 2. Only watched Bride of Chucky recently(it was ok) and rewatched Part 3(which did improve with time), so my excitement over "Child's Play 6" was nonexistent.

I couldn't be happier to inform you that Curse blew me away. I expected nothing, and was given everything plus. This is a perfect film for people who've never seen any of the previous films, while still giving a lot to the hardcores. And don't let the still photos you've seen turn you off to the way Chucky looks; 90% of this film, he's still a doll. CGI is used only to clean some things up and nothing more. I'm excited for Curse of Chucky. I hope it does really well and possibly ushers in a new trend in horror filmmaking.

Body Count: *NO SPOILERS FOR NEW MOVIES*

Best Scene: *NO SPOILERS FOR NEW MOVIES*

One More Thing: This movie has almost as many endings as a Peter Jackson film. Also: wait through the credits...

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Week one is DONE! So far, Beware! The Blob is winning in the body count wars. Next week we'll see if Blobbo can hold onto that title.

Thanks for reading, folks!

31 Days of Horror: Past Revisited Part 3

Here we conclude our retrospective of the first 5 years of 31 Days of Horror with last year's list, which was the hardest for me to do because of the job I had.

I was working a nightshift as a security guard at a swanky condominium(that was hoarding hot women, I swear). It was a good job(except that management sucked, no shock) and I was pretty much left alone all night. So because of this, most of last year's October movie watching happened in the middle of the night, which isn't easy come 4am.

This year I added a few things to my movie watching, one of which was a running kill count. This got a little confusing, like should I include death during dream sequences? I will be doing the Kill Count again this year.

I also tried having a theme day last year: Part 2uesday(I'm assuming this is self explanatory), which most people thought was pretty clever. I will be continuing that this year.

Let's dive in!

31 Days of Horror 5: 2012

-The Fog

-Scream

-Final Destination 2

-Scream 2

-Phenomena

-Scream 3

-The Boogens

-Don't Go In The House

Last year marked the farthest I traveled for 31 Days of Horror, as my friend Phil and I drove up to North Jersey for a 35mm screening of Don't Go In The House, with the star/killer of the film, Dan Grimaldi(Donny Kohler), doing a Q&A afterwards.

Crystal Plumage Films, who were the North Jersey version of Exhumed Films, hosted the show. I got to ask Dan a lot of good questions, and he signed my copy of Nightmare USA, which he had no idea what he was on the cover. He was pretty excited over this, and despite the book being scarce and expensive, he needed to locate a copy for himself. It was easily one of the best movie-going experiences I've had in a long time.

-Scream 4

-Taste the Blood of Dracula

I will squeeze in more Hammer Horror this year.

-Road Games

-Hatchet 2

-Friday the 13th Part 2

-Slither

-Wake Wood

-Nosferatu

-Shadow of he Vampire

These last 2 was a fun double feature, which I'll try to replicate this year with Psycho and Hitchcock, back to back.

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

-Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

-Texas Chainsaw Massacre(2003)

-Dead Heat

HIGHEST KILL COUNT: 31!

-The Uninvited

LOWEST KILL COUNT: 0!

-An American Werewolf in London

-Re-Animator

-Saw

-Saw II

-Saw III

Ah, SAW-fest. Tried to watch all 7 Saw films in one week, which I was not in the mood for. May continue this year.

-Creepshow

-Phantasm

-Phantasm 2

-Audition

-Freddy's Nightmares: No More Mr. Nice Guy

-The Mist

-House 2: The 2nd Story

-Dead & Buried

Traditioooooon TRADITION

That's that. See you next time when we start 31 Days of Horror 666 MARK OF THE BEAST, BITCH(we'll miss you jesse pinkman)

31 Days of Horror: Past Revisited Part Two

31 Days of Horror 3: 2010

-Oldboy

Some argued that Oldboy is not horror. It's definitely horrific.

-Dawn of the Dead(2004)

-28 Weeks Later

-C.H.U.D.

-Paranormal Activity

I was not sober for Paranormal Activity and I barely remember it.

-Darkman

-Burial Ground

-High Tension

-The Town That Dreaded Sundown

-Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

-Razorback

-1408 Director's Cut

-Bloody Mary

Bloody Mary was the choice of my friend Phil, from his parent's collection of pirated movies. It was terrible and horribly forgettable.

-Dead & Buried

This one has become a Halloween staple for me. I'll be doing a list next month of the best films to watch for Halloween that have nothing to do with Halloween.

-My Bloody Valentine 3D

-My Bloody Valentine(1981)

Another Classic Vs. Remake double feature, with the remake winning this round.

-Shaun of the Dead

-Doctor Butcher M.D.

-The Warriors

NOT horror, but was in the mood.

-Creepshow

-Trick r' Treat

-The Blob(1950's)

-The Blob(1988)

I forgot that I did 2 Original Vs. Remake double features. This one's a tie.

-Freddy Vs. Jason

This next one would be the year I decided to start covering my movie watching on this blog, which you can find(most of) in the archive.

If I remember correctly, I tried to make a rule for the month: every other movie watched had to be something I'd never seen before. This stopped rather quickly, as it's hard for me to stick to any rules I make up for 31 Days of Horror. It's also why I never get involved in anyone else's movie watching contests, because they seem to have too many restrictive rules.

31 Days of Horror 4: 2011

-Grindhouse

This was a viewing of the complete Grindhouse, seeing it in it's entirety for the first time since theaters. It didn't seem to hold-up well.

-Rituals

-Creepshow

These last two was a special Hal Holbrook double feature. You heard me.

-An American Werewolf in London

-Alligator

-The Fly(1986)

-The Fly 2

HEAD CRUSHING. BEST MOVIE EVER.

-Phantasm 2

CHAINSAW FIGHT. BEST MOVIE EVER.

-Rogue

-Pieces

-Psycho

-Psycho II

First time watching Psycho 2. I fully expected a bad, unwanted sequel, but was surprised at how good this film is.

-Dead & Buried

Tradition.

-Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

-The Horror of it All

Fun horror doc that covers the silent era all the way to the late '70s.

-Psycho III

-Jason X

-It's Alive

-The Video Dead

-Cloverfield

-The Children

-Sledgehammer

-The 1990 Horror Hall of Fame

-The Thing(2011)

-The Thing(1982)

-The Thing from Another World(1951)

Remake/reboot/prequel/whatever Triple Feature. Carpenter's take wins with little problem.

-Who Could Kill A Child

-The Monster Squad

-The Deadly Spawn

-Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

-Red State

-Phantom of the Paradise

-Little Shop of Horrors(1986)

Horror Musical Double Feature. Never shown: REPO The Genetic Opera

-YellowBrickRoad

-The People Under The Stairs

-The City of the Living Dead

-PopCorn

-1408

-Halloween 2

Only 1 more year to cover and after that, we begin the decent into hell that is the  31 Days of Horror! Hashtag that shit.

31 Days of Horror: Past Revisited Part One

We are 2 days away from October, and the first day of the 6th Annual 31 Days of Horror, and I couldn't be more excited.

Over the next several posts, I will go over my previous years of October Horror movie marathoning, with some extra commentary thrown in.

Now obviously, I've always watched a lot of horror films during the month of October, but it wasn't until 2008 where I would get the idea from the message boards at Joblo.com, to watch as many as possible and chronicle it. I didn't start this blog until 2010, and the only mention on the Joblo message board was just a photo of whatever I had watched that day. It was fun, but once I joined Twitter in 2009, my message board days came to an end.

In bold below, is the list I kept on my laptop of my first ever 31 Days of Horror, printed here for the first time. I've added in commentary when appropriate. Enjoy.

31 Days of Horror 1: 2008

-Monster Squad

-Blacula

For the first night(that probably wasn't October 1st, I really can't remember), I decided to start things off on a lighter note with a comedy double feature. This was my first time seeing Blacula, and it was pretty enjoyable.

I may revisit Monster Squad this year, as one of my horror cohorts has never seen it before.

-The Hills Have Eyes(1976)

-The Hills Have Eyes(2006)

-The Hills Have Eyes 2(2007)

The Hills Have Eyes Triple Feature was an interesting one. The only of these 3 films I'd ever seen was the 2006 remake, of which I'm a huge fan. 

On this night, I found the original HHE to be very boring and the sequel to the remake to be terrible(except for the awesome mutant baby birth scene in the film's cold open).

I plan on giving the original HHE another chance soon. Possibly this year.

-Grindhouse presents Planet Terror

-Friday the 13th Part Vi: Jason Lives

-Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

This was a Double Feature of 2 Jason films: one's my favorite of the series, while the other gets a bad rap. While this hate may be deserved, I'm still positive that there's a good movie hidden in there, which I plan on getting deeper into during 31 Days of Horror.

-An American Werewolf In London

-Maniac

-Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon 

-Saw

-House II: The Second Story 

-Night of the Living Dead(1968)

-Saw II

-Saw III

-Chopping Mall

-Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy's Nightmares - Freddy's Tricks & Treats

Watched the VHS release of this show. Hopefully there will be an official DVD/Blu Ray someday.

-Mothers Day

Pretty decent, yet short, list. In the coming years I'd try much harder to fit in a better mix of horror related films/shows/specials, to varying degrees of success.

31 Days of Horror 2: 2009

-A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

-Headless Eyes

-Dead Dudes in the House

This year I went way in the other direction with my film choices, and tried to share the experience with some friends. This particular double feature was a total dud in that regard.

Headless Eyes is pretty bad, but despite this, owning the VHS Big Box is something to be proud of amongst collectors.

Dead Dudes, much like Jason Goes to Hell, is a bad movie that could be awesome with some(or lots) of work. It has some neat claustrophobic Haunted House ideas(being trapped in a house and the windows won't break, crazy old woman ghost who wants to kill you and may get off on it sexually), but it has purposely unlikable characters, which hinders everything. 

It's a Troma film, if that tells you anything.

-Godzilla Vs. Megalon

I'm pretty sure this was the Mystery Science Theater version.

-A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

-Laid To Rest

-Fido

-Shocker

-Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn

-Night of the Bloody Apes

Great "Mexican Wrestling/Human with an Ape's heart goes on a killing spree" film.

-Texas Chainsaw Massacre(1974)

-Texas Chainsaw Massacre(2003)

Much like the previous year, gotta do the double feature of Original Vs. Remake. Here, the original wins with little problem, but the TCM remake is no slouch.

-Idle Hands

-John Carpenter's The Thing

-Army of Darkness

-Return of the Living Dead

-Satan's Little Helper

-Halloween(1978)

-Wacko(1981)

Those last 2 were watched on Halloween night. I decided to end with Wacko because the idea of a slasher satire from the '70s where the killer uses a lawn mower as his signature weapon had promise, but failed to deliver, as I remember. Might play better with an audience.

Friday the 13th: Four Color Gory

Today is the 13th day of September. A day that just happens to fall on a Friday. lt's a day that all hardcore HorrorHounds love, for obvious reasons.

lt wasn't until the early '90s that Jason was put into a graphic novel: the adaptation of Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday, released by Topps Comics. Since then, Avatar, Chaos, Wildstorm and Dynamite have all taken stabs at putting Jason to comics, with mixed results.

Here l've collected my favorite images of Jason's four colored adventures from around the 'net. Enjoy.

lnstant Feedback: Robocop Remake Trailer

l just watched the trailer for MGM's Robocop remake, due in theaters February 2014, and l'm sure lt's no surprise that it was an underwhelming experience.
Right off the bat the film has a huge strike against itself because it's been watered down to a PG-13 rating. The original Robocop almost received an X rating, for violence.
Now, l realize that a movie does not need to be overly violent to be good(although it is what saved Robocop 2 from beng a real stinker, just ask Robocop 3 what THAT feels lke), so l will keep an open mind, story-wise, when the film gets released at the beginning of next year.
l will give ths movie one kudos: it's has a spectacular cast!
Gary Oldman!
Michael Keaton!
Jay Baruchel!
Samuel FUCKlNG Jackson!
Jackie Earl Haley!
That one dude from The Killing on AMC!
lf this was a 100% original Sci-Fi film, this cast would have me doing cartwheels. But alas, it's a nuetered remake.
Hopefully the story surprises us.

Quick Notes:
l wonder if there are any cameos from Peter Weller or Nancy Allen?
l don't mind Robocop's more slender design, and l love the light-up visor.
Although, the ED-209 desgn sucks.
Does the "l'll Buy That For A Dollar" guy/joke make an appearance(he fucking better)?

"Bitches, leave."

"Will You Smile Again?"

'Sup?
No blogs since November. Sorry about that, Warriors. My excuse is solid though, what with being sent to Bermuda to work construction for a few months. Internet SUCKS there, unless you wanna pay by the hour, like AOL circa 1996. Which makes perfect sense since most of Bermuda's furniture looks like it was used in an early Wes Anderson movie. The dream of the '90s is alive in Bermuda(sorry Fred and Carrie!).
The only thing l'll say about Bermuda: truly gorgeous beaches, with people to match. I honestly don't stare at people, but l saw some women on these beaches with the best abdominal muscles l've ever seen. Just unreal. One of which deserved a basket full of money and puppies.
Nice knowin' ya, Bermuda. You'll never have me inside you again.
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Here's the list of theatrical and VOD horror films I've seen so far this year, most of which l'll try to give a better review to in October:
Texas Chainsaw 3D: Liked it, despite it's utter stupidity.
John Dies at the End: Fantastic! Supernatural meets The Naked Lunch.
Evil Dead: Fucking loved it. Possible Movie of the Year contender.
The Purge: Liked it, despite some utter stupidity.
The Conjuring: Loved it, but best watched with a large crowd.
The ABCs of Death: Dreck.
Bad Milo: Really good, and played more serious than expected, which through me off.
You're Next: Have not seen it yet. PLEASE forgive me! l chose to see The World's End first.
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This blog post is not an isolated incident, l promise you. This week l'll be posting my Monster Mania-Con review(some drunken wackiness, plus my disdain for where the con seems to be heading creatively), some horror toy reviews(Neca's NES Jason, Freddy's Furnace playset) and the countdown to the greatest month of the year:

October.

Which includes:
31 Days of Horror(Watching as many horror movies as possible in 31 days).
Posting one Halloween special a day, everyday on this blog and the facebook page.
Planning on how l'm gonna scare the Christ out of the children on Halloween night.
And, the MAlN EVENT, on October 26th: The Exhumed Films 24-Hour Horror Movie Marathon!

Thanks for reading! See you tomorrow.