Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Exhumed Films Horrorthon 2013 Crib Notes

I have not reviewed the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon in four years. I wish I could give you a good reason why I stopped, but I honestly have no idea.
"Did you stop going to the Horrorthon?"
I attended the following three years, and already have my ticket for this year's show.
"Maybe you stopped blogging?"
I've written about other events, although this year has been a writing dry spell.
Honestly, any reason I could give would likely just sound like lame excuses and pointless whining, which ain't nobody got time for, so let's just move on to the subject at hand.
I now attempt to review the experience of a Horrorthon from three years ago, with an ever-fading memory of the event. This outta be fun.

Exhumed Films 7th Annual 24 Hour Horrorthon

Movie 1
HINT: Weird, fun, underrated horror film from the 1990s

-Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

This is, by far, the best "opening film" at any Horrorthon, both past and present. If the crowd had been armed, the ceiling of the International House Theater would be full of holes.
I doubt very much that Demon Knight's brother, Bordello of Blood, would've gone over as swimmingly.

Movie 2
Unique psychological thriller/Animals Attack film from one of the most highly regarded genre directors of all time

-Monkey Shines

The crowd was really into this lesser-known film from George Romero. The literal "Hooting and Hollering" for the nudity was great, with some actual booing when a dame's butt gets covered by a blanket. Good times...
It would seem that some people took a walk during it because of "animal cruelty," but I read that no monkeys were killed during filming. Some dude broke an arm, and somebody kicked a cat, but that's about it.

Movie 3
Low budget zombie film that may be better than it looks, but probably isn't

-Flesh Eater

This Night of the Living Dead "pseudo-sequel" is written, directed, and stars the first zombie to appear on-screen in the actual NOTLD, Bill Hinzman.
It's badly written. Badly directed. Badly edited. And I hear the catering was shit as well.
Highly recommended.

Movie 4
Grim, gruesome, disturbing '70s horror film

-Mansion of the Doomed

This movie was indeed, pretty gruesome, and it's slow-pace calmed the audience down a bit, which was probably necessary. My second favorite film of the Horrorthon.

Movie 5
Euro-horror classic


The only thing I remember of this screening of Inferno is that someone pulled the International House's fire alarm in the middle of the film.

Movie 6
Silly, sorta-sexy '60s "Spook Show" short

-Monsters Crash the Pajama Party

With a real live monster on stage! Or just someone in a guerrilla suit. This was fun, with some audience participation; it would be great if Exhumed did these more often.

Movie 7
Pioneering combination of horror and rock music

-The Alice Cooper Show: Welcome to my Nightmare

While I have no idea if this concert film was any good, the pizza we ate up the street was greasy and poorly written.

Movie 8
If you loved last year's "Night of a Thousand Cats", you'll probably love this


The title means "female shark". The goofy romantic subplot kept the audience entertained, but the scene with the real life dead shark carcass seemed to upset some.

We are now well past midnight at this point, and this is where shit start's to get weird, both on the screen and in your mind, as your brain starts to beg for sleep. Your bladder begs to be emptied.

Movie 9
Over the past sixteen years, Exhumed Films has shown a lot of slasher films. But we have never shown this one before. I know that's not much of a clue, but that's all I've got...

-The House on Sorority Row

I found this film to be a terribly boring "Slash/Tits/Confetti" affair. And it sent a few of my friends home early, which was a shame, because it meant they would miss the wonderfulness that was screening next.

Movie 10
Ridiculously inept and absurd horror movie mess that is actually pretty entertaining despite being a complete train wreck

-Night Train to Terror

This was my favorite movie of the show, but it was at this point that i decided to make the wise and healthy decision to drink a combo-concoction of a Five Hour Energy and a Red Bull. I'm pretty sure I did severe, long-term damage to my kidneys and pee-hole.
Night Train to Terror features a lovely head-smashing, so Five Stars across the board.

Movie 11
Unsettling early horror/pseudo zombie film from one of the most highly regarded genre directors of all time

-The Parasite Murders aka They Came From Within


Movie 12
Rousing fantasy/action/giant monster movie

-The Golden Voyage of Sinbad

[skull emoji]

Movie 13
Dumb zombie movie Exhumed showed ages ago and vowed we'd never show again. And yet, here we are...

-Toxic Zombies

Somehow Exhumed found a more inept Zombie movie than Flesh Eater. The was fun, but I was really having trouble staying awake at this point. A lot of this movie was a trippy dream hallucination.

Movie 14
Fun action movie(with sci-fi/horror overtones) directed by a genre favorite

-(mother fucking)Darkman

One of my all-time favorite films. The audience was now woke and full of free monster cereals.

Movie 15
Horror movie sequel that is not nearly as good as the original, but is still pretty entertaining in it's own right

-Demons 2

Ending with Darkman would've been a Home-run, but I'm sure this was still a solid choice. I was unconscious through most of it. And by "most of it" I mean "I've never seen Demons 2".
Tomorrow: 2014, which is arguably the oddest Horrorthon to date.

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