Sunday, November 4, 2012

Exhumed Films Horror-Thon Year 666: Mark of the Beast!

The sixth annual Exhumed Films Horror-thon has come to pass, and it left a swath of destruction in it's path. And by destruction, I mean around 400 happy horror fans, because most would agree that this year's event was the most fun 'thon yet.
Here's a quick list of some of the wonderment's we witnessed on screen: dirty, gritty 1980's New York City, parasitic aliens, zombies, wild witches, melting men, carnivorous kitties, and a squeaky-voiced skunk named Stinky.
Some notes to go through before I get to the movies themselves:
-I've been to 5 straight Horror-thons, and this year l FINALLY got a good night's sleep beforehand. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed at 8pm the night before, and proceeded to sleep till 6:30 the next morn. This made ALL the difference for this year's show.
-My friends who joined me this year were great company for the whole event. Tiffs, James, Phil, Jesse, Jenna and her boyfriend Al could not have been better movie-watching partners, and I owe each of them a million thanks you's(although Phil started snoring during the first movie, so boo to Phil).
-The International House was hot as BALLS this year. They really need to work on this issue.
-Back in 2008, I wrote a Horror-thon review blog on Myspace, in which I suggested that they start turning on the lights dimly during the trailers between each movie. This year, they finally started doing this. A HUGE thank you to whomever's idea this was, because it helped quite a bit.

Now we are ready to talk Horror-thon. Like previous years, I'll give the clue, my guess(if I had one), the answer, and then my reaction. The Exhumed Films audience is a notoriously rowdy bunch, going nuts over the best/funniesnt/most outragious scenes in each movie, so this year I'm adding in whatever the audiences favorite moments were, which will be labeled as "Crowd Pleaser."
That's enough of my gum flappin', let's all get to the movies!
Dan & Joe from Exhumed started things off at roughly 11:50am to give away all the prizes, including a small collection of horror comics donated from yours truly, to advertise my rukey-duke blog. I hope whomever won the comics actually enjoyed them.

12:15PM - An appropriately demonic movie to kick off Horror-thon Part 666
My very excited guess was The Exorcist. I was wrong. Instead we get bit by trollish demons with...

The Gate
Watch the trailer here
Watch the Angry Video Game Nerd's review here
Whoa. Way to read my mind, EF. I mean, this movie was definitely on the list of films that I was going to watch in October but never got around to. I know, I know, an '80s classic like this, I have no excuse for never seeing it, but having my first time be in glorious 35mm makes it all the better.
When lightening strikes a tree in the backyard of a curious kid and his heavy metal-lovin' friend, they discover that the tree was covering up a gate to Hell itself. Soon, the two kids and older sister are bombarded with crazy hallucinations, including dog-headed people and melty-faced parents, all the while a group of foot-tall goblins start invading the house and try biting the shit out of the kids.
Good, fun movie, and the perfect way to kick-off this year's Horror-thon!
Crowd Pleaser: Since this was the opening movie, the crowd was way pumped, so there were way too many scenes that caused rowdiness.
Although, the scene where a young Stephen Dorff innocently asked his friend: "Ya wanna come over later and fool around?"
...yeah, the crowd loved this.

1:55PM - Giant monster movie, though not necessarily the type you might expect
My old guess used to be Godzilla's Revenge, since they always show a "giant monster movie" in the 2nd spot, but this year my guess was Super Infra-Man. Neither was correct. Instead we got our heads bitten off by:

Q: The Winged Serpent
Watch the trailer here
Watch the Angry Video Game Nerd's review here
Now we are 2 for 2 with movies that l was planning on watching for October but never got around to.
Aztec cultists in modern-day New York City(modern by way of 1981) end up bringing a beast back to life, a winged God named Quetzalcoatl(his friends simply call him Q, for short). Q flys around, biting the heads off of window washers and eating female sunbathers whole, all the while David Caradine and Richard Roundtree try to figure out why the hell blood & body parts are littering the streets of NYC.
The only person to have any info is a two-bit thug, played by Michael Moriarty(looking here like the love child of actor Simon Pegg and comedian Bill Burr), and he's not telling anyone what he knows for anything less than $1,000,000.
This is a damn fun movie, not only because of the serpent violently eating people, but for the entertaining characters as well.
Crowd Pleaser: The final battle between the police and Q; everytime he grabbed and threw someone to their death(in a very low-budget looking fashion) the audience ate it up.
Also bonus points to Moriarty and his thug character. Almost everything he says is gold.

3:40PM - Sleazy, '70s psychotic/sorta-slasher cinema
I don't think I had a guess for this one. We were served up a notorious Video Nasty in:

The Driller Killer
Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
And now we are 3 for 3 when it comes to movies l was gonna watch. This is getting creepy.
THIS is what happens when the art film meet the slasher flick. I know this was not a popular opinion amongst my friends, but I loved this movie. It features 3 of my favorite things: Dirty, grimy 1970s era New York City, noise rock that's supposed to be music but probably isn't and mindless gore with a random power tool. I seriously doubt that there wasn't one member of the cast or crew not on some sorta drug during filming.
This movie isn't for everyone. Now that I think about it, it's barely for anyone. Any movie that gets described as being "sleazy" somehow ends up being the most entertaining, and for me, this one was no exception.
Crowd Pleaser: Despite how much I loved Driller Killer, it IS slow, so it kinda lulled the audience into a quiet comfort. They came to life during the Drill-Kill montage late in the film.

7:10PM - Well regarded, nasty little sci-fi/horror oddity
My guess was Galaxy of Terror, but instead we gave birth to a full grown English man in:

Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
Watch Siskel & Ebert's review here
Watch the Angry Video Game Nerd's review here
I came into this one late, as I was buying a burger outside with Dr. Terror. When I got back to the theater and settled in, THIS was the first thing I saw. I knew l was in for a treat after that scene...
The rest of the movie is great. It's violent, it's sleazy and it makes barely any sense. I've always wanted to see Xtro and I'm glad the Horror-thon was my first exposure to it.
Crowd Pleaser: Well, besides the other scene I posted, this one also had the crowd in hysterics. Skip ahead to 3:45.

7:10PM - One of the most divisive horror films of all time - wait for the title screen, then either sit back and enjoy or or take the opportunity to catch some dinner
I had no guess, but my good friend Jesse guessed Halloween 3. He was right!

Halloween lll: Season of the Witch
Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
Ah, another mind-reading from Exhumed Films, but this time it's a movie I *DID* watch this month. I only stuck around long enough to watch the scene where you see the consequences of wearing a Silver Shamrock mask, which I still say is one of the most disturbing deaths in movie history. I know that's a mouthful, but I stand by it.
H3 holds up perfectly, and is loved more today than when it was released 20 years ago.
Crowd Pleaser: Anytime Tom Atkins womanizes or boozes it up, the crowd loved it.

9:00PM - Euro-Horror Classic
I guessed The Wicker Man, because my knowledge of European horror is fucking pathetic. Instead, our heads were smashed through windows with:

Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
Almost, Exhumed Films. Almost. I had watched a Dario Argento film  in October, but it was Phenomenon(The Creepers).
I did not stick around for this showing, as I needed a break. I watched the final half hour. I swear Argento is obsessed with slowly smashing girl's heads through plate-glass windows.
Also an interesting factoid, Argento wanted this movie to be school girls, but the producers wouldn't let him go with a young cast. In a brilliant move, Argento dressed the adult cast like little girls and made their dialogue kid-like. Smart man.
Crowd Pleaser: Since I missed 3/4s of the movie, I missed any and all instances of the crowd losing their shit.

10:40PM - Cannibal Movie, though though not necessarily the type you might expect
I guessed Parents, starring Randy Quaid, which most people thought was a fantastic guess. I was wrong. Instead, we took one more trip to dirty New York City with:

Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
Watch the sequel, C.H.U.D. 2: Bud the Chud here
I was happy to be wrong, as CHUD is a fun movie, made even better with the Exhumed crowd. My only complaint about CHUD, is that their aren't enough CHUDs to be seen. This movie is kinda the opposite of Q; meaning that there's not enough of a human to monster ratio. Despite this, CHUD's still an '80s classic.
Crowd Pleaser: The Secret Service Agent eating Daniel Stern's quarter to keep him from phoning the press about the CHUDs had the crowd in hysterics.

12:24AM - Bizzaro horror/exploitation rarity directed by an infamous foreign filmmaker; screened here in an extended cut never before seen on video or DVD
That clue was way too deep for me to make a guess. Despite this, we were ground-up and fed to:

Night of A Thousand Cats
Watch the trailer here
As much as one enjoys seeing all the classics at the Horror-thon, the other side of the coin is all the movies you never heard of or would've seen, added with the hungry EF crowd, making unforgettable movie-watching moments.
Night of a Thousand Cats was the movie most of us had never heard of, and most would admit that it was the best film of the weekend.
From what I can remember, the plot revolved around an eccentric playboy, who would pick-up women with his helicopter to take to his castle(?). After a nice dinner, we see that this playboy has removed the lady fair's head, to add to his collection. He then grounds her body into mincemeat and feeds it to a pen of 1,000 feral felines. This happens repeatedly for 90 minutes. Hilarity ensues.
Crowd Pleaser: Two that I can remember: First was the playboy feeding his man-servant to the cats because he became better than him at Chess; and then there was THIS scene.

1:50AM - Sexy vampires having sexy sex
Deep down I hoped for The Lost Boys, but I knew better. Instead, we lacked sex with:

The Vampires' Night Orgy
Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
I bailed on this movie. Sorry.
Crowd Pleaser: What part of "bailed" did you not understand?

3:15AM - Fun, underrated sci-fi/action movie
I think I had a guess, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Still, we had a parasitic alien shoved down our throat by:

The Hidden
Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
This movie was the shot of adrenaline the crowd needed after the previous film lulled most of them to sleep.
A parasitic alien jumps from body to body, enjoying the finer things in life, all while avoiding the police(both Earth-bound and the intergalactic variety). Good stuff, and I was shocked to find out that my parents LOVE this movie. They were excited for me that the Horror-thon screened it. Craziness.
Also, I'm almost convinced that Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday  completely lifted the "lizard-like parasite jumping into people's bodies through their mouths" from The Hidden.
Crowd Pleaser: The crowd loved pretty much anything having to do with the alien fucking with people.

5:00AM - A wonderful movie for children, provided that the children are all fucked up on LSD
My guess was the H.R. Puffnstuff movie. Instead, we were decimated with:

Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters
Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here(if you dare)
Yeah, no one in the theater was fully prepared for this. All joking aside, I loved this. It's a goofy, quasi-racist Spanish kids movie from the early 1960s. What the hell else would you expect from it?
I only lasted about 30 minutes in, as I dozed off long enough to miss the rest. I love dumb crap like this...
Crowd Pleaser: The opening musical number. It's a real hum-dinger.

6:30AM - Loopy, sureal sequel to a bona-fide horror classic
I was root-root-rooting for Psycho 2, but that's neither loopy, nor surreal. So my next guess was The Exorcist 2: The Heretic. Instead, we were all devoured by:

Son of Blob(aka Beware the Blob)
Watch the trailer here
Watch the full movie here
Who knew the Blob could procreate?? Much like the previous feature, I have a feeling I loved(most) of this movie more than the rest of the audience. The true surreal oddness to this movie melded perfectly with the 6AM showtime. I wasn't sure if the opening credits were as odd as I remembered, which featured a kitten frolicking in the grass to a bizarre remix of what can only be described of Nightmare Circus music, until I re-watched it on Youtube. I once again fell asleep after about halfway, but I woke up before the end. I'll be giving this one a second view soon.
Crowd Pleaser: None that I can remember, but I know my friend Tiffs hated it when the Blob ate the kitten. I find her hate adorable.

8:10AM - Schlocky "special effectsploitation" film that's really just an update of the 1950s style monster movie
No guess. No mas. All the while, we melted away with:

The Incredible Melting Man
Watch the trailer here
Watch Mike and the Bots from Mystery Science Theater 3000 riff the full movie here
It's funny, because my buddy Jesse and I were talking about how EF seems to avoid showing any films that MST3K had riffed. It's pretty funny to be proven wrong in just a matter of hours.
This is a good movie, but it's slow as balls. It even sent Dr. Terror home early.
Crowd Pleaser: The horny old couple who randomly go picking for fruit in the middle of the night.

9:40AM - Slasher movie that was a staple of late-night HBO programming in the early '80s
I guessed New Year's Evil. Others guessed the Prowler. Instead, we went camping with:

Watch the trailer here
I'd never heard of Humongous. It seemed like just another "kids go camping and get killed by a thing" movie. I'll re-watch and give a better review on another day.
Crowd Pleaser: None that i can remember.

11:15AM - Zombie movie that is ridiculously stupid, shamelessly derivative, and totally trashy...which is why we love it so much
My first guess was Zombie, even before I had seen the hint sheet, because it was Exhumed Films 15th birthday, and Zombie was one of the first movies they ever screened. That guess went out the window when the word "stupid" and "derivative" were in the hint, because Zombie is considered a classic amongst Horror-Hounds.
I proceeded to change my guess to Dr. Butcher M.D. ... I was right!

Dr. Butcher M.D.(aka Zombie Holocaust)
Watch the trailer here
I have an odd history with this movie. As a kid, it was one of the VHS boxes that I would stare at in the horror section of my local video store while my folks looked for a new release to watch as a family on a Saturday night. The cover art, mixed with the images on the reverse of the sleeve, freaked me the hell out, but I could not stop looking at it, no matter how much it supposedly scared me. I was definitely born to be a fan of horror.
What about the movie? Oh yeah... It's a lot of fun. See it soon.
Crowd Pleaser: The guy eating a heart right from a corpses chest, then jumping to his death(with no cut-away, mind you) is pretty awesome.
And thus we ended the 6th annual Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon on a high note. A big THANK YOU to Dan, Jesse, Joe and Harry for making this yearly tradition something truly special, and making us all feel like little kids on Christmas morning all over again.
Thank you to Justin Miller(who, without his glasses, kinda looks like Will Wheaton) of HauntLove for the amazing posters and hint sheet design. Thank you to the International House for putting up with us mutants taking over the theater for a full day, once a year.
And most of all, thank you to anyone who reads my stuff. Each and every one of you has a special place in my dead heart.
See ya'll next year!

Monday, October 29, 2012

31 Days of Horror: Year 5 - Part 4

Movie 29

There really isn't much I can say about this movie without giving anything away. Since it's new in theaters, spoilers are a no-no.
I still need to watch PA 2 & 3, but I doubt I'll be able to fit them in.
I will say, that if you like the other films in the series, you'll also love PA4.
One More Thing: Apparently they are filming a Latino version of Paranormal Activity, which will likely be titled Paranormos Activityos. Wakka?

Movie 30

(from last year's blog)
Who the hell doesn't like Creepshow? While it's far from scary, it's probably the most fun a movie can be. I really enjoy how it takes many actors not normally used in the horror genre and made the best of them. Leslie Nielsen was never meaner in any movie that I've seen him in, but supposedly Ted Danson does not look back at his experience filming this very fondly, which is a shame.
Body Count: 12
Best Death: The art of dance. Ed Harris murders it dead during Father's Day.
One More Thing: After rewatching Creepshow this year, I think the reason why Danson hated it was because during most of his story, he is buried up to neck in the sand. Probably for hours at a time. I guess I don't blame his hate.

Movie 31

I made the mistake of watching this at 3 in the morning. Because of this, I had a bit of a hard time paying attention(not dozing off), but I took most of the story in.
An alien from another dimension comes to Earth to steal our dead, re-animate them as mutant dwarves and eventually take over the world. The infamous killer sphere only makes a quick appearance here, but is used more in the sequels.
Body Count: 3
Best Death: Silver sphere imbeds itself into a guy's head, then proceeds to squirt his blood all over the place. Awesome/disgusting stuff.
One More Thing: The hero of the Phantasm series, Reggie Banister, is very likable. It's a shame I haven't seen him in many things.

Movie 32

(from last year's blog)
Here's a novel idea: Take a smart, scary horror film, have a major motion picture company buy the rights to it, release a sequel that's not scary, proceed to drop the license after the movie bombs. Shame. Phantasm 2 is goofy, nonsensical fun.
Body Count: 9
Best Death: A gold, killer sphere digging it's way into a dude's back, and then getting stuck trying to saw it's way out of the same guy's mouth.
One More Thing: I NEED a replica of Reggie Banister's duel-barreled, beveled shotgun.

Movie 33

This 1999 Japanese horror film is about as disturbing a film as I've ever seen. I watched it alone, but I'm sure the final 30 minutes was watched with a "about to get sick" look on my face.
Worth watching once, but you'll more than likely never want to again.
Body Count: 3
Best Death: There's a sweet beheading with a steel wire, but this movie is more known from it's slow-paced torture scene at the ending.
One More Thing: My DVD copy had horrid subtitles issues, which made Audition hard to take seriously half of the time. I spent more time laughing than anything else, and I doubt that was the film's intentions.

My next blog will be the review of the 2012 Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon, which took place this past weekend. Those movies will not be included in the 31 Days of Horror list, as I consider them to be a different entity.
Look for that post tonight.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon Survival Guide: 2012 Edition

It's that time of year again! We are a little more than 24 hours away from this year's Horror-thon, so that means it's also time for me to release my yearly, revised "DOs & DON'Ts" list. This guide can help with any marathon(I know the Coolidge Corner Marathon is also going on this weekend), so hopefully this will help someone, somewhere.

1. Get there early, or get there surly-
Do you want a particular seat, or want to make sure that you and your group sit together? Then goddamnitt, you'd better crawl your crusty ass outta bed and get to the International House BEFORE 10AM. I myself will be taking the 8 o'clock train to 30th Street Station to meet my friend Tiffs, so we can get there by 9, when the i-House let's us all start lining up.
If you get there late, don't spread any hate. Just sit your gnarly butt where you can and enjoy the show.

2. Clothes make the man, so dress comfortably-
This one's pretty easy: Dress as comfortable as you see fit for sitting in a movie theater for 24 hours plus.
And I guess nothng more needs to be said about how I feel about having a spiked mohawk at this event. Don't make me behead you...

3. Bring a pillow for your head-
Sleep might creep-up on you during one or two movies, so having something soft to lay your head on could help a great deal, as well as a blanket, if you're a tiny thing and are prone to the cold.
Slankets are also welcome, but not snuggies. Wear a snuggy and you will be thrown out.

4. Bring a Fleshlight(AND a flashlight, to help you see while using the fleshlight)
This is one that not many people think of, but a small pocket flashlight can be a lifesaver when trying to find items you've brought, or just making sure not to step on anyone's feet when you get up to use the bathroom...or use your fleshlight. Pervert.

5. FOOD. Bring money to buy some...
Lots of yummy eats will be supplies by:
Spot Burger
Dapper Dog
Black Orchid Foods
Grindcore House
Blowfish Bakery

6. STUFF. Bring money to buy lots...
DiabolikDVD will be set up selling movies through the end of the first film, and Justin Miller from HauntLove will be set up throughout the show, selling various prints of his fantastic posters. Also Lunchmeat, the VHS 'zine will be there. Also(again), there will be a limited-edition Exhumed Films shirt for sale, from size medium to infinite XL.

7. Cleanliness is next to Globliness-
Deodorant. It's your friend. Also, breath strips, a toothbrush and handy-wipes can't hurt. The person sitting behind you who has to smell you, WILL hurt.

8. Clean up after yourself!-
Every year we bring a ton of food with us and every year some people do not take their trash with them. Boo on you(and me, as I always seem to leave behind half-drank half gallon of iced tea accidently).
This year, I myself will be bringing my own trashbag, just to make sure I something large enough to throw mine and my friends garbage away at the end of the event. If we all try and do this, it will make the end of the event less of a headache for the EF crew.

9. Parking yo' car-
Discount parking for the entirety of the Horror-thon is available at the Science Center Parking Garage, 3711 Market Street(one block from IHP). Parking is $8.00 for the 24 hours. You must get your ticket validated at the front desk at the International House.

Ok, that is all. I'll see everyone Saturday morning at the International House!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

31 Days of Horror: Year 5 - Part 3

Movie 20

The prequel to the 2003 remake, l remember strongly disliking this when l saw it in theaters. This time around l liked it a smidge more. 
ln what is no surprise, R. Lee Ermey is the best part of the whole film. Seeing how Eremy becomes the scuzzy Sheriff is a treat, and the ending is anything but fairy-tale, otherwise this is almost a blow-by-blow rehash of the remake. Ugh, just the thought of that gives me a headache.
Bonus points for bringing back John Larroquette for the narration, even if it is only at the end.
Body Count: 11
Best Death: Nothing too great, although Leatherface starting up the chainsaw while a biker dude laid across it was pretty sweet.
One More Thing: Jordana Brewster is hot, but it's a "rough around the edges" type of hot, if you know what l mean.

Movie 21

Here is the film that kicked-off the remake revolution of the 2000s. The whole problem with the remake boom isn't the remakes themselves(hell they were remaking moves from the 1920s in the 1940s), but the ferocity that they've been released over the years. So many have been released in such a short amount of time, it just makes a horrorhound's head spin. And each and everytime a remake is announced, l have to hear the same goddamn "song and dance" from people on the internet: stop raping my youth! Hollywood has run out of ideas! This remake is gonna suck just because it's a remake! YADDA YADDA YADDA! Ugh, l'm fucking sick of it.
Look, if you're main argument is that Hollywood has run out of ideas, then that's your fault. There are plenty of good movies released each year, and if you're only watching whatever is in the mainstream, then you deserve what you get.
As we speak we have Carrie, Evil Dead and yet another Texas Chainsaw remake on the way, some of which in puke-inducing 3D. So as far as remakes go, take them on a case by case basis, because they will keep on churning them out, and then 10 years later they'll churn 'em out again. {puts loaded gun in mouth}
Body Count: 6
Best Death: Some poor fop gets a chainsaw right to the ignatz, all while he's dangling from a chandelier.
One More Thing: This movie does feature one of the coolest scenes in horror history: a woman blows her own brains out with a gun, and the camera pans through the head-wound and out the other side, right as her head drops. Ghoulishly original.

Movie 22

Ths one was a nice surprse. l threw lt on, figuring lt would be a throw-away, cop-buddy-film-meets-zombe-movie, and luckily that's exactly what l got! lf you have Netflix, this s on instant, so watch it ASAP.
Body Count: 31(Holy Christ! l doubt this will be beat!)
Best Death: Joe Piscopo, being drowned in a fishtank(all other deaths were gunshot wounds)
One More Thing: This would be a perfect "midnight movie" for the Horror-thon. l hope they show it at some point.

Movie 23
Both my brother and mother have been telling me for years that I need to see this movie. Thanks to Turner Classic Movies, I can finally get them off of my back.
This is a pretty standard ghost story, with a few scenes of pure dread, which is rare for a movie from the late '40s. What really shines are the characters, though, as they are very well written and you actually care for their well being. This is a perfect "siting alone with the lights out" kinda movie.
Body Count: A great big goose-egg.
Best Death: Didn't you hear me?? NOBODY DIED. Asshole.
One More Thing: Apparently this movie directly inspired Poltergiest, a film that still scares the shit out of me.

Movie 24

One of the only Academy Award winning horror films in existance.  There isn't one moment of this film I don't love: from the scary-ass pub in the beginning, to the wolf massacre at Piccadilly Circus at the end, and everything in between.
Body Count: 16
Best Death: They don't count in my Body Count numbers, but the Nazi Werewolf dream sequence is brutal and fantastic.
One More Thing: An un-used, alternate title of this film was Griffin Dunn of the Dead. Wakka.

Movie 25

If you were to remove 90% of the silliness from Evil Dead 2, you'd be left with Re-Animator. This Lovecraft story turned into a big-screen romp is the goriest film I've watched so far. My favorite bit is how the zombies are constantly either drooling or vomiting blood.
Body Count: 5
Best Death: The dean-of-students being pummeled to death by a butt-naked zombie is great, esspecially when the zombie bites off two of the dean's fingers.
One More Thing: You'll never think of the term "giving head" the same ever again.

Movies 26, 27, 28

This was originally supposed to be Saw-Fest, which was a 7 day viewing of all the Saw movies, ending with the final film, which I have yet to ever see. Problem is, I lost all interest in finsihing the series while in the middle of the 3rd chapter. I enjoyed 1, loved 2, but had zero fun watching part 3, so I decided to bail on the rest of the series.
I think the reason why this happened is because l had become totally burned out on movies. Considering I(at this point) had watched 28 movies in 20 days, it's no surprise.
Saw-Fest is dead. Sorry, America.
Body Count: Saw- 8, Saw 2- 8, Saw 3- 12
Best Death: Saw- Man beaten to death with the lid to a toilet's tank warms the heart of this old plumber.
Saw 2- None of the deaths are that great, but the hyperdyrmic needle pit gives me the heebie jeebies.
Saw 3- None. All the deaths(while creative) stink. I fast forwarded through most of them. The brain-surgery scene is fantastic, though.
One More Thing: I'll attempt to finish the rest of the series when Halloween is over, but probably not for the blog. Your loss! *saunters away*

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

31 Days of Horror: Year 5 - Part 2

Movie #11

ln all honesty, l only chose this Hammer Horror film because lt had an R rating; kinda lame, l know.
lt has a decent enough story: 3 upper-class men, with a taste for the bizarre, decide they want to dabble in some "black magic" and sell their souls to Satan. They end up scoring some of Dracula's blood from an antique store, which l guess is supposed to solidify yourself with the Lord of Hell after digestion. Sadly, this isn't the case, as the devil-worshipper who gave them the idea dies immediately after taking a drink. They leave him for dead, and his dead body ends up resurrecting Count Dracula(Christopher Lee). Ol' Drac is not happy that they let his minion die(???), and decided it's time for a good old-fashioned Death Wish-style revenge plot on the three men, even though if the Satanist hadn't died, Dracula would never of come back. lt's a slapped together plot, but an enjoyable one.
Body Count: 5
Best Death: The movie opens with a man stumbling across Dracula right after someone had impaled him on a gigantic cross. We watch him die and turn into red powder.
One More Thing: The last time I talked about Christopher Lee on this blog, I would only jokingly refer to him as Count Dooku, and nothing else, which in turn had an anonymous commentor call me "not a true horror fan." Well, l never!

Movie #12

This is less of a horror movie, and more of an Aussie, cat and mouse thriller. Stacy Keach and his pet dingo follow who he believes to be a "Jack the Ripper" style serial killer. Jaime Lee Curtis plays a hitchhiker that gets kidnapped and Keach needs to save.
This movie would've been a dud if not for Keach's performance, plus I'm a fan of the locale(Australia). This is worth a watch, but it's nothing special.
Body Count: 1
Best Death: This movie has one death, and it's off-screen, and it's only a strangling. So I'll make something up: Stacy Keach is face-fucked to death by his pet dingo.
One More Thing: A much better slow-burn Aussie horror is Wolf Creek, which I'll watch later this month.

Movie #13

I find the Hatchet films to be fun, but largely forgetable. It would seem that the writer spends more time trying to come up with insanely violent deaths, rather than an engaging story. But despite how elaborate and crazy the deaths are, I wasn't all that impressed.
Body Count: 12(one less than Scream 4, nice try)
Best Death: Taking as ax directly to the ass, then to the head gives new meaning to the term "ass to mouth." HIYO!
One More Thing: I feel that this movie is part of a new breed of horror filmmakers who wanna be rockstars, and I find it pretty obnoxious. They care more about being loud than scary. Thankfully for every Adam Green and Eli Roth, we have a Ti West(whome I'll get to later this month).

Movie #14

One of the rare horror sequels that is a huge improvment over the original. It's also Jason Voorhees' first outing as a soon-to-be horror legend. The second member of the Mouth Rushmore of horror(with the first member being Michael Myers.)
Jason wears a bag over his head in this instalment, but soon he would change that to the iconic hockey mask he wears to this very day. I guess I could do some actual research on this, but who's idea was it to change Jason's mask? And why? No matter, it was a move in the right direction, because I seriously doubt that Jason would've been the icon he's become had he kept the Acme bag as a mask.
Body Count: 10
Best Death: Wheelchair guy taking a stiff machete shot square to the face, and proceeds to roll backwards down a flight of cement stairs. Pretty awesome.
One More Thing: 1980's nudity continues to be awful.

Movie #15

James Gunn's return to horror after spending time with the Scooby gang was well worth the wait. This love-letter to '80s goo-fests is one of the best horror movies of the 2000s so far(although at times it seems to be a little too much like Night of the Creeps).
Body Count: 8
Best Death: Officer gets half of his head shot off, and you can see one of the slugs wiggling around the exposed area.
One More Thing: While a lot of fun, this movie is slimy and disgusting. Not to be watched while eating.

Movie #16

I picked this movie at random on Netflix because it had a good rating and I liked the description. I ended up with an Irish rip-off of Pet Cemetery(sort of).
A little girl gets mauled to death by a dog and after suffering through the grief stages, her parents decide to use an old Celtic ritual to bring her back for only 3 days, as she was before her death. She's not aloud to leave the town of Wake Wood during the 3 days, and she has to have been dead for less than a year.
As it turned out, the parents lied about how long she'd been dead, and the little girl brought back some evil with her. A good flick that's worth a view.
Body Count: 6
Best Death: Evil little girl violently rips out a woman's heart, with her bare hands.
One More Thing: My favorite scene has to be when the little girl tries running away, the moment she leaves the town limits, her wounds reopen, and she drops dead. Taking her back into the town fixes her up, right as rain.

Movie #17 & 18


This double feature I came up with on the spot and shared the idea with friends on Facebook & Twitter, and it got a very positive response.
I'll admit, sitting through Nosferatu was a chore, but I enjoyed most of what I payed attention to. I have a healthy respect for this movie, because you know it scared the snot out of people back when it was brand new and folks actually dressed-up to go to the movies.
Watching Nosferatu, and then following it up with Shadow is a rewarding experience, and I recomend other horror fans to try it out sometime.
Body Count: Nosferatu- N/A(I don't think anyone died in this movie, my lack of paying attention in the middle may have kept my death toll from being accurate. Sorry.)
Shadow of the Vampire- 6
Best Death: Nosferatu dies of a drug overdose in one of the Olsen Twin's apartments. Tragic.
One More Thing: Possibly Willem Dafoe's best performance.

Movie #19

This movie did not get the love that it deserves until recently. The studio decided that they wanted to turn the Halloween franchise into an anthology series, so people cried foul when H3 lacked Michael Myers in 1982. And because of this, H3 was unceremoniously shit on by fans and movie-goers. It would be nice if history could be changed and this movie would just be released under the title Season of the Witch. Ah well, at least it's getting some much deserved recognition now, and just received an awesome home video release from Scream Factory.
Body Count: 8(not counting robot death)
Best Death: It's a little hard to choose, since every death here is great, but what the Silver Shamrock masks actually do is very disturbing, so that scene wins with little trouble.
One More Thing: The exasperation that my friend Laura and I kept feeling everytime the lab tech had to make a rush phone-call using a rotary telephone was deafening.

Look for part 3 next week, or possibly earlier.

Monday, October 8, 2012

31 Days of Horror: Year 5 - Part One

We are one week into October, and the 31 Days Of Horror are well underway. While I do have a few things planned for this year, the event will be random for the most part. With each movie, I'll be keeping track of all deaths, and I will have a definite number of people killed on-screen(or close enough) at the end of the month. Why am I doing this? Who are you, a detective or something?

Movie #1
I have a very special relationship with this movie, as it was the first film that was screened at the first Horror-thon I attended back in 2008. The cold open with John Houseman telling a ghost story around a campfire is very well done(despite the fact that the supposed "5 minutes till midnight" was only 2 minutes and 29 seconds-- I timed it). The movie is pretty spooky, despite the antagonists being silly in retrospect(leper ghost pirates), it's a nice change of pace that they politely knock before killing you with swords and ice picks.
Body Count: 6
Best Death: *TIE* A ghostly ice-pick to both eyes, and the sudden beheading of Hal Holbrook.
One More Thing: It takes A LOT of make up and imagination to make Adrian Barbeu look attractive after her drunken bitch performance in Creepshow, or as the creature in Swamp Thing.

Movie #2

Ah Scream, the film the reinvigorated the horror genre for the 1990s. Whether or not it's reinvigoration was for the better is up for serious debate. On one hand, R-rated horror would make a huge comeback to cinemas coast to coast, but most of it was unmemorable teen garbage. I mean, other than the Scream trilogy and the first I know What You Did Last Summer, how many other movies from that time period can you name that had left a lasting impression on horror fans? Maybe The Faculty. Until Blair Witch came out in '99, late 90's horror was pretty wishy-washy.
Scream is a good movie and still holds up pretty well, and it's fun picking up on little nuances that you don't catch at first, like Billy(Skeet Ulrich aka Not Johnny Depp) getting mad at Stuwart(Matthew Lillard) for what you think is him talking about the murders in front of Sydney(Neve Campbell), but really Billy's afraid that nut-bag Stuwart is gonna accidently spill the beans that they are the killers, which is brillient touches that you won't find in the later installments.
Body Count: 7
Best Death: Tatum's(Rose McGowan) large breasts getting her neck snapped because she can't fit them through the doggy-door on the garage door.
One More Thing: Wes Craven was totally brilliant for pulling a Psycho by putting(at the time) megastar Drew Barrymore in the movie, making it look like that she was the heroine, and then killing her off in a violent fashion right as the film starts. I can honestly say that it freaked me out when I originally saw this back in '96.

Movie #3
Freddy's Revenge
I just realized that the title of this movie is kinda redundant, because the whole premise of the first film was that Freddy was extracting his revenge on the parents of Elm Street by taking their children. So that means NOEM 2 is Freddy's double revenge? For his humiliation and defeat in the first film? He doesn't get that revenge until Dream Warriors when he goes after both Nancy and her father.
I will say that this movie shows Freddy at his most evil, and features the most kills using his glove in one film.
Body Count: 9
Best Death: Freddy invading the pool party and slashing a kid right in the face, to me, is Freddy at his meanest and most bad-ass.
One More Thing: This HAS to be the sweatiest film in the whole series.

Movie #4

This film is the other end of the "teen horror genre" that began with Scream in the 90s. Pretty much the ONLY reason to watch these films is for the spectacular death scenes. I feel this movie is the most fun of the series, although the lead actress(A.J. Cook) somehow found a way to combine being both hot and dull.
Body Count: 11(highest so far)
Best Death: Part of me wants to go with the 15 year old being smushed by the pane of glass, but because of my love of head-crushings(despite my fear of head trauma), I award the best death to the "day dream sequence" in the opening with the cop losing his head to a gigantic CGl log.
One more thing: Devon Sawa was supposed to reprise his role from the first movie, but contract disputes prevented that from happening, which I feel hurt the story.

Movie #5

Part two of the Scream series is an improvement over the first film in style, but not substance. While the film has a new setting(Greendale Community College, or something), and has some great gags & dialogue, it's a bit of the same as the first film. Sydney has a stalker. Gale saves the day. Doofy gets brutalized. Everyone else dies.
Liev Schreiber's Cotton Weary is fantastic, but needed more screentime, which he sadly won't get in the 3rd film.
For a horror movie, it's a great part 2, but as far as movies on a whole, it leaves plenty to be desired.
Also, Scream 2 kills off all the interesting characters, leaving us with the boring main-cast. That's why I started the Twitter hashtag #ShouldaBeenDoofy. This will carry over the next few installments.
Body Count: 9
Best Death: Randy getting turned into a Cobb Salad in the mini van was nice and nasty. See also: Saddest Death in Series.
One More Thing: Scream 2 gave the world a sneak preview at how awesome Tim Olyphant was going to be.

Movie # 6
aka The Creepers
Jennifer Connelly can talk to insects with her mind? Donald Pleasance doing his best Professor X impression? An all-girls school with a killer on the loose? All from the mind of Dario Argento? Yes and please!
Body Count: 7
Best Death: Despite a sweet beheading, l'd have to say that "death by chimp with a straight razor" trumps anything and everything.
One More Thing: Is there a man alive who does not love Jennifer Connelly?

Movie #7

I remember hating Scream 3 when I saw it in theaters. Time has done wonders for this movie, because today I like it much better than the 2nd one. The best cast so far for a Scream film(spoiler alert: everyone dies...AGAIN) and an out-of-left-field killer made this a fun rewatch.
Body Count: 9
Best Death: Eh, they're all pretty standard knife deaths. No "garage doors crushing heads because your tits are too delicious" going on here.
One More Thing: AH FUCK! #ShouldaBeenDoofy! Stop killing all the interesting characters! This time they did it in the first scene! The writers of these films went to the Joss Whedon School for Character Death.

Movie #8

There's sadly not a whole lot to say about The Boogens. It's a pretty standard, POV-"monsters that you don't see till the end" kind of movie. It's not a bad film, and the cast is likable(which includes a guy who is the splitting image of Dana Carvey), but it's probably better if you watched this as a kid and can be all nostalgic about it now, so gear-up those time machines.
It's watchable, but at the same time forgettable.
Body Count: 5
Best Death: The girl that gets killed in her bath-towel, because fuck you, she's in a bath-towel.
One More Thing: This movie(along with My Bloody Valentine) has made me realize that I love small mining towns, and I'd love to live in one when I get older.

Movie #9

For me, this film has become a despicable classic. This particular viewing was done at the Forum Theater in Metuchen, NJ on 35mm. The event was so much fun that I'll be covering it in a separate blog. Look for that this week.
Body Count: 5
Best Death: Nothing, and I mean nothing beats the infamous burning scene. It has to be seen to be believed. Or maybe it should never be seen.
One More Thing: Despite how much I love this movie, I'd never recommend it to anyone except for the most hardcore of Gorehounds.

Movie #10

11 years later, we return to Woodsboro, the scene of the original Scream film, for it's 4th installment. It was a risky move, but they ended up with a pretty decent story, and the best cast in the series. Much like the 3rd film, they did a great job of keeping you guessing of who the killer(s) are until the revelation.
I still dislike the ending, and I think they should've gone in a different direction, which would've set up Scream 5 beautifully. But no, they had to go with a "message," which I understood. Doesn't mean I liked it. Fuck the message, Scream 5 could've been awesome.
Body Count: 13(highest so far, sorry Final Destination 2)
Best Death: The hot girl who was slaughtered in her bedroom is well done, especially because you actually see her guts hanging out of her belly post-mortem. Also, her head going through the bedroom window seemed like a nod to Dario Argento.
One More Thing: [SPOlLER ALERT] #ShouldaBeenDoofy! FUCK THIS! Stop killing off all the interesting characters and letting this dope live! ln fact, not killing off any of the original cast was a huge cop-out.

That's it for now. Stay tuned for my review of the DGlTH screening this week, and the next installment of the 31 Days Of Horror next Sunday.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Random Blog of Variety 9/13/12

Happy Thursday the 13th! Just another random blog of thoughts that don't need a blog of their own.

-By now I was supposed to have started the "Fantasy Horror-thon" series of blogs, but I ran into a little snag: I have no idea how to attack writing them! I got some really great lists from various people, but I'm having a real difficult time finding an interesting way to present them. Trust me when I say that this is 100% my own fault, and not the fault of the list writers. I am teetering on the brink of just scrapping the whole idea, which I don't want to do. A lot of people spent there own free time writing a list(with explanations), and I'd hate to have their work go to waste. I think I have an idea on how to make it an interesting read on my end, but because of my current schedule, I know for a fact I won't be able to get to all I was sent, which I am truly sorry about.
I'll try to have a few up by the end of October, and once again I am sorry to all who sent me their lists expecting something from me.

-Tonight my brother and his wife were watching the new Muppet movie from last year, and it was right at the montage where the Muppets are cleaning the old Muppet Show set for their telethon. The part in the involving the Swedish Chef could be my favorite Muppet moment ever: he swings open the refrigerator door and proceeds to fire a flame-thrower onto a group of living Muppet vegetables! Mass fucking Muppet genocide! I mean, Muppets are Muppets! Just because they were tomato and celery Muppets, doesn't make them any less Muppet than Rizzo or Beauregard! Swedish Chef is a monster.

-Next week is a big DVD day for horror fans, as the brilliant Cabin in the Woods gets a home video release, as well as the much anticipated Scream Factory releases of Halloween 2 & 3. The Halloween releases I will buy the standard versions of, but I'm torn about Cabin. I think the blu-ray has some cool exclusive features that I'd love to mess around with, but I don't know too many other people who own a compatible player, so taking blu-ray Cabin to a friend's house to watch is gonna be a pain.

-I was just told the the last Batman movie was basicaly Rocky 3 remade with comic book characters. ... Batman = Rocky. Bane = Clubber Lang. Alfred = Mickey OH MY GLOB.

-The first Ben Folds Five album in 13 years comes out this Tuesday, and after listening to a few of the tracks on various websites, I have to say I'm not thrilled with what I heard. YES I'm still going to buy the album off iTunes. I just hope to god it sounds better after a few dozen listens.

-The new Local H album comes out as well, but I am not worried about that one at all. With their track record, they have more than earned my trust.

-The latest Toadies release "Play.Rock.Music" has slowly been growing on me. What I've been listening to mostly is the Flobots latest effort, "The Circle and the Square", which unsurprisingly, is fantastic.

-This week we get the return of Sons of Anarchy, which will fill the TV void that Breaking Bad left in my life when it's shortened season ended two weeks ago. Also in the coming weeks we have the return of Community, Dexter, American Horror Story, Bob's Burgers and The Walking Dead.
I know Boardwalk Empire, Treme and Homeland also return, but I still need to delve into those shows, which I hope to soon.

-Upcoming blog topics include the top songs I wished I could've moshed to, that Nintendo Power retrospective that I'm STILL working on, a planned Mystery Science Theater 3000 week, and of course, starting October 1st: the 5th annual 31 Days of Horror! I know you all are as excited as I am!

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Drive: A Half-Assed Review

I randomly decided to watch Drive on this rainy fuck of a Labor Day, after watching a review of it on Half in the Bag. To get right to the point: I liked it. A lot. I know I'll be buying the DVD, and downloading the soundtrack off iTunes.
Ryan Gosling does a superb job as the nameless, semi-emotionless stuntman/grease-monkey/heist-driver. He's really good at being both equal parts dreamy for the girls and badass for the guys, although the high-level of violence in this movie will keep most ladies with their hands over their eyes(this movie features an awesome head-smashing scene that would make Gasper Noe wince).
I went into this movie knowing very little about(the way i like it), and I let out an excited "Oh shit!" when I saw in the well-done opening credits that Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks and Ron Perlman(in a rare no facial hair or extensive make-up performance) also starred.
There isn't anything bad I can say about this movie, although it is not for everyone, and that's mostly due to how slow-paced it is. My only real problem(and it was a pretty big one) is that this is one of those movies where the dialogue is really quiet and action scenes are FUCKBALLS LOUD! It was incredibly annoying for me to have to constantly turn up and down my volume, depending on what was going on, then turn off my air conditioner because it was too loud for the talky-talky parts. Maybe this was a problem with Netflix, or maybe this movie was designed for people with awesome surround sound systems that I do not own. Either way, whispering while car tires are screeching really loud make for a lousy movie-watching experience. I'm sure that I won't get this kind of problem when watching The Artist.
So, if you're patient with the movies you watch, and don't mind brutal violence, I highly recommend Drive.

Below is my ever-growing list of things that make any movie automatically better. How does Drive stack up?
-Chainsaw Fight NOPE
-Viggo Mortensen UH-UH
-A Pimpmobile NADA
-A Head-Crushing BINGO
-Time Travel NOT HERE
1 out of 5? This is a hard list to fill, so l'll give it a pass.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Exhumed FIlms Horrorthon Year 5: Brand-spanking new!

It's been just about ten months since the 5th annual Exhumed Films Horrorthon ended, and I'm late with my review of it. There have been several fantastic blogs that have already done the task of reviewing this event, so my blog is less than necessary. Hell, at this point I actually toyed with the idea of not even bothering. Personal demons have kept me from writing recently, so letting said demons win and skipping this was not something I wanted to do. So here we stand-- late. But as they say, better late than blahblah.
This year's event ended up happening on one of the most miserable autumn weekends in recorded history for the Philadelphia area: below-average temperatures, freezing rain, sleet and icey roads. This would, in fact, make it the most ideal weekend in stay in a movie theater for 24 straight hours.
I arrived at the I-House with my friend Tiffs(link) at 9am and got a good spot in line. Got to meet Chris Alo(hudson horror show), and talk with friends Dan Tabor(link) & Thomas Bryce(blog link) until the doors opened at 11am.
I picked up my tickets, purchased a few DVDs from DiabolikDVD(The awesome Arrow Video bluray of City of the Living Dead and the Return of the Living Dead documentary), and proceeded to find our seats.
Before we knew it, Noon was upon us and it was time for announcements from the Exhumed guys and some prize giveaways(I won nothing).
Alright, onto the movies!
This year, EF chose to only show movies that they've never screened in their 14 year history, which made for the most diverse Horror-thon yet.
Like previous years, I'll post the clue, then my guess(if I had one), and then the answer.

12:20PM - Fun 1970s British film that successfully combines two specific horror and exploitation genres
My guess was The Wicker Man, but instead we got:

The Death Wheelers(aka Psychomania!)

I was pretty disappointed that this was not Wicker Man, but this ended up being a really fun movie. Still not quite sure what the giant frog in the chair was all about. Just what was the sandwich that Tom ate while questioning if his butler was the living dead?  We actually became hilariously obsessed with that sandwich-eating scene. So much so that we were devastated to find out that the DVD release OMITTED that scene for whatever reason! We will not rest until a complete cut of Psychomania is released upon the world! A Sandwich Special Edition!

2:00PM - Giant monster movie classic
The second movie of the horrorthon is always set for some sort of giant monster movie, and every year I guess the lovably horrid Godzilla's Revenge, which was not to be shown yet again this year. Instead, we got:


I did not want to sit through Rodan. I had seen it before and found it pretty dull. Sadly at this point the DiabolikDVD table had shut down, and it was freezing rain out, so I had very little to do for 90 minutes.

3:40PM - Little seen supernatural shocker that marks the horror debut of a future genre icon.
I have no idea what my guess was, or even if I had one.
What we ended up with was:


This was ok. This movie was equal parts amusing and bore-fest. It left very little in the way of a lasting impression.
Jeffery Combs is the "genre icon", BTW.

5:10PM - Just when you thought we were having fun, along comes movie #4 to completely depress you with it's stark brutality and nihilism.
Oh hell, here's another where I haven't the foggiest what my guess was. Probably Maniac. Which it wasn't.
What we were raped with was:

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Ah, what fun. Here's my 4-word impression of the horror-thon up till this point, describing each movie: Fun. Fun. Fun. Raaaaape.
This one, I have to admit, was a nice surprise. Despite how rough this movie is(the final scene actually upset my stomach pretty badly), it's one of the stand-out horror films of the 90s(not a hard task actually). What was interesting is the amount of people standing outside to wait for Henry to end may have been equal or greater than the amount of people that stayed to watch it.
Later when I had asked one of the EF guys as to why they chose to show this, despite claiming that the 'thon would never show anything that was "too heavy", he said that they had rented this print of Henry awhile ago, but never found a date to screen it. They needed to show it somewhere so the rental would not have been a waste of money. Makes sense.

6:40PM: Dinner Break: They showed some Three Stooges and assorted trailers. No Mr. Magoo, thank Jebus.

7:20PM: Zombie Movie

The Dead

The Exhumed FIlms Horror-thon has gotten so famous that people now want to debut new movies at the event. This year we got the British zombie film The Dead. BIG TIME mixed reactions over this one. I very much liked it, while my good friend Jesse Draham booed it loudly as the credits rolled. You just can't please everyone.

9:00PM - Totally stupid, totally awesome Satanic silliness
My guess was probably Evil Speak, but that movie isn't very silly. Instead, we spoke in tongues while they showed us:

Trick or Treat

Satanic silliness indeed! Forget the both Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne appear, I was way more excited to see Skippy from Family Ties star as a nerdy teen who worships the frontman of a metal rock group. Great stuff with some hilarious scenes. This would've been the best movie of the show, if not for a fantastic Frankenstein adaptation shown later in the program.

10:50PM - Underappreciated over-the-top slasher/psychosexual thriller
I had no guess here. We got statutory raped with:

Night Warning

Besides the fantastic Family Truckster beheading in the in the opening, there isn't a whole lot that spells "horror" in this movie until the ending. Definitely a lot of woman-on-boy jailbait fun and while-you-were-sleeping neck-licking. Eww. Good movie, though.
Every now and then you can catch the whole film on youtube, but then whomever owns the rights has it taken down.
Ya know what, that's fine. I understand not wanting your intellectual property available for free. I respect that. But as long as you do not have a legal means for us to see your movie, that is on DVD or even a digital download, then I do not feel pity when you movie or music is available for free, illegally  to the masses.

12:45AM - Unconventional adaptation of a literary horror classic #1
I probably guessed some Hammer Horror film, but I really should've read into the word "unconventional" a wee bit more. We shared some stems with:


My crew and l agreed- THIS was the best movie of the whole event this year. This one had it all: lawnmower dismemberment, dirty 1980's New York City, exploding hookers, super-crack, and the finest performance of Frankenstein's Monster this side of Robert Diniro. If only this movie had a chainsaw fight or Viggo Mortensen, it would've been perfect.

2:15AM - Unconventional adaptation of a horror classic #2
No clue. Had no guess. What we got was the blaxploitation classic:

Decision for Doom(Aka Dr. Black and Mr. Hyde)

This one was a bit more slow moving than the previous feature, but it WAS heavy with Pimps, so I can dig it. This starred the always-awesome Bernie Casey.

4:00AM - Infamous, sleazy and bizarre Euro-horror/sexploitation movie
At this point I was barely conscious. We howled at the moon with:

Legend of the Wolf Woman

This movie featured our first bare vagina of the night, right as the movie began. You'd figure that'd be enough to keep me awake. It wasn't. Zzzz.
Thankfully, this movie is on Youtube in it's full nude-y glory, so I'll get a second shot at it this year.

5:30Am - Thought-provoking, intellectual genre masterpiece that serves as a metaphor for the fragility of the human condition.(...just kidding. This is a goofy/gore sleaze-fest that will probably make your brain hurt with it's sheer stupidity. It's 5:30 in the morning, what did you expect?)
After a hint like that, combined with my growing insanity, my guess was Birth of a Nation(not really). We were instead sevred up a plate of:

Blood Diner

This movie was good, goofy fun. The cold-open alone almost made it "best movie of the 'thon", but plot-wise it was a little too similar to Frankenhooker.

7:30AM - "Star studded" slasher semi-classic
I heard someone else guess that this was going to be The Burning. They were right!

The Burning

There's really not much I can say about this slasher film. It's not bad, but I don't feel it broke any new ground. A third viewing may change my mind.
Two things: I'm surprised that there was never a sequel, and I'm surprised that there's never been a Cropsy action figure. Must be rights issues.

9:15AM - Usually this is the spot where we show an Animals Attack film. Well, there are no animals here, but people definitely get attacked silly scifi/action/horror amalgam.
I'm pretty sure I guessed Tremors, but instead we got run-over by:

Maximum Overdrive

At this point for me, the event was not fun anymore. Dumb fighting between some of the people that came with me, added to the fact that I had broke my phone, pretty much ruined my taste for the Horror-thon. We left just a few minutes into this. l failed you, blog-reading public.

10:45AM - For the first time ever, the Horror-thon does not end with a zombie film. In fact, it technically doesn't end with a horror film. Instead, we close with this ridiculous/offensive/just-plain-wrong cult film favorite.
Before I left, I heard rumblings that this was going to be Meet the Feebles. Guess what?

Meet the Feebles

I was home and in bed by the time this feature even began, so I have no idea how I would've reacted to it. I'm pretty sure it would've involved sudden eye-bleeding.
This is another movie that does not have a proper US DVD release. I wonder how Peter Jackson feels about Feebles at this point in his Oscar-winning career?

'Thon Highpoints: Frankenhooker, Psychomania, Trick or Treat
'Thon Lowpoints: Rodan, Frightmare, Decision for Doom

Good show this year. So far EF has not matched the awesomeness that was the 2nd Horror-thon, but that's a hard show to beat.
As I finish writing this, we are roughly two months from this year's show. I apologize for my extreme tardiness and promise to be much more prompt for the next event.