Sunday, November 7, 2010

Exhumed Films Horrorthon Year 4: Attack of the Sequels

It is exactly 1 week after the 2010 Exhumed Films Horrorthon and I think I have finally recovered fully, both mentally(oh my god Boardinghouse) and physically(why the FUCK were my shins hurting?). This year was especially hard for me, as I had got ZERO sleep the night before. I decided to crash at my friend Jenna's apartment, as she lives a brisk 10 minute walk from the venue housing the event(a walk that sucks when your shins are falling apart). The problem with Jenna's place though was that she lives on the 4th floor of a building, meaning that it collects heat like it's baseball cards, and I'm a heat generator to begin with. The point I'm trying to make is that I was hurting bad walking into the Horrorthon this year, worse than any previous year, but I persevered. But you guys don't wanna hear my bitching & moaning...

The whole fun of EF's Horrorthon is that you have NO IDEA what films that will be shown, and the list of clues that is given to you beforehand is barely any help, but this year they wanted to make things interesting for us: a chance to win a Blu-ray player to whomever in the crowd was able to guess the most movies correctly. Let it be known right now that I only got one movie right, which I'll go over in my review.
So after a few announcements and a full-on lambasting from EF's own Dan Fraga, we start the festivities off at 12:15pm with 15 minutes of slasher movie trailers, which lead us into our first film(i'll give the clue, then what my guess was, then obviously the right answer):

12:30PM - Silly Slasher Sequel that is not quite as good as the original...
My guess: Child's Play 2 - We were really hoping for this one, but what we got was:

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Ironically my 3rd favorite of the franchise, this was certainly a nice surprise as I had never seen it with a LIVE crowd before and let me tell you it makes all the difference. Kincade wa never funnier, Dr. Gordon was never dopier(and it was never so obvious that he was doing whatever Nancy asked of him because he wanted to fuck her bad) and this scene never seemed as stupid as it did this past weekend:

Yes Nancy... it's a door. Ugh...maybe you deserved to have John Saxon gut you like a fish.

2:00PM - Giant Monster Movie
As usual, my guess was "Godzilla's Revenge", but what we got was:

The Mighty Peking Man

I was hurting at this point, as I had not slept now for 23 hours, but I'm glad I stayed awake for this goofy gem. This BLATANT King Kong/Tarzan rip off was a bloody masterpiece! Fuck Woody Allen and Steven Spielberg, as they NEVER had a cheetah fighting a cobra in their so-called movies.

3:30PM Nifty, Creepy Horror Anthology
My best guess for this was Creepshow 2, but I don't think anyone refers to that film as "Nifty", so what we got was:

Tales From The Crypt 2(AKA The Vault Of Horror)

Sorry, folks, but this was the movie I napped during if I was to survive the rest of the marathon. I did catch the last half hour, though, as it featured a maniacally bearded Tom Baker killing people with his art.

5:15PM Campy Creature Feature Sequel that may be a little bit better than the original
I don't remember having a guess for this one, but it ended up being:

It Lives Again!

The sequel to the mutant-baby movie It's Alive, neither of which I had ever seen. This movie was fun enough but didn't have the crazy ending I was hoping for. These movies might benefit from a remake, but keep the babies animatronic, NOT CGI!

7:15PM - Zombie Movie
Ah, the ONE AND ONLY movie I guessed right:

Dawn of the Dead

Obviously the original; this print was the British cut if I'm not mistaken(and I probably am). This is just a good movie that any self respecting horrorphile loves, but I'm sure there are some "too cool for the room" pricks who say that this movie "isn't as good as people say it is".

9:30PM - Goofy, Gory Horror/Sci-Fi Exploitation Flick
My guess was the awesome Galaxy Of Terror, but what we got was:

Return of the Alien: Deadly Spawn(AKA The Deadly Spawn)

What a fantastic movie this ended up being. Just a silly, violent movie that needs to be seen with a full audience who will appreciate what ridiculous fun is to be had. Just look at this monster:

                                                           He's almost cuddly!

11:00PM - The movie that "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" wishes it could be
We were strongly hoping for Little Shop of Horrors, and a lot of others thought Repo: The Genetic Opera, but what we got was:

The Phantom of the Paradise

My brother was trying to get me to watch this movie for years, and for whatever reason I just never got around to seeing it. I'm glad I waited because seeing it for the 1st time on the big screen made all the difference. I'm pretty sure nobody I came with liked this movie as much as I did. This movie had fun songs, a great cast and a "hero" that looks like he fell out of the cartoon Battle of the Planets(G Force or Gatchaman) and had a voice that sounded like the torture droid from Jabba's Palace in Return of the Jedi. I'm surprised their has never been an action figure based on him.

12:30AM - Holy shit, the greatest, bloodiest Kung Fu movie of all time! I don't even know what else to say, I just...I mean...this movie is...holy fucking shit...

My friend Joe guessed Ichi The Killer and some guy near us was guessing Ricki-Oh or whatever it's called. I personally had no guess, but the movie was:

Five Element Ninjas

Yeah, I missed most of this one. I do not mind a subtitled film, but after 12 hours and closing in on 1AM, I just could not handle it at this time. Plus I may have been a little lit, so a walk was in order. I did come back in time to see a very nice "drawn & quartering".

2:15PM - Sleazy Slasher Movie Directed By A Genre Favorite
I had no guess here, for whatever reason, but it ended up being:

The Funhouse

This was a nice surprise, as I had never seen it and always wanted to. My only complaint here was the body count was way too low. 

4:00AM - Tongue In Cheek Monster Movie Classic Directed By A Genre Favorite
No guesses, I was tired.

The Howling

Another nice surprise as I had never seen this film, either. E.T.'s mom battling werewolves? Dick Miller: occult store owner? Kinda crazy-ass ending? Awesome stuff.

5:30AM - Supernatural shocker that is so utterly ridiculous it must be seen to be believed, and even then you still probably won't believe this movie exists in our universe. Maybe the most inept movie Exhumed Films has ever screened.

Some goofballs in the audience were positive that this was going to be HAUSU, showing how little they know Exhumed Films. What we got was....wait for it:


What. The Fuck, Exhumed Films? Was there nothing more pleasant to be shown, like footage from Columbine or the Challenger explosion? 
The opening to this film, which consisted of almost 5 minutes of LOUD beeping text, took years off our lives. This does not play like a straight forward, coherent movie, but instead is like your watching a collection of deleted scenes from an unfinished college film. The best you could scramble together after one viewing is that some creeper-looking dude inherits a house that MAY be possessed by a terrible special effect. The creeper dude proceeds to rent the house out to an infinite number of beautiful(for 1981) women, who seem to be haunted, tortured or murdered by someone or something. As the movie progresses you find out that creeper dude has mind powers and proceeds to move a bar of soap around while taking a bath in what could be the silliest thing I've ever seen in a movie not involving muppets. 
From what I'm told this was the 1st "shot on video(shiteo)" horror movies to come out on VHS, and for some reason they felt it needed to be released in theaters, too. This movie will give cancer to you soul. Four stars!

7:15AM - Breakfast Break!
They served free cereal and showed a Mr. Magoo cartoon while I covered myself with de-lousing powder, called my mother and wept openly.

7:45AM - Influential Slasher Sequel That Many People Feel Surpasses The Original
Once again, hoped for Child's Play 2, but what we got was:

Friday the 13th Part 2

At this point I was contemplating suicide, what with the visions of Mr. Magoo killing women in a boarding house...I'm pretty sure that was the last movie I had watched at this point. Now a man with a bag on his head is scampering through the woods. I don't know what's real anymore.

9:15AM - "Animals Attack" Film With A Snazzy Sci-Fi Twist
We fucking HOPED TO MAGOO for Tremors, which would have been awesome, but what we got was:


No, not the one that came out like 2 years ago, you goose. This was William Castle's final film, about bugs(duh) that burned at the touch, and prolonged touching would result in you bursting into flames. Great movie, just hard to handle at 10 in the morning... Not the content of the movie but the screaming from the people towards the end was the worst I've ever heard. I think at the end the whole planet blew up. Or maybe that's what I saw in a dreary haze. And I think Mr. Magoo was in there somewhere.

10:45AM - Historically, the horrorthon has always ended with a zombie movie. I guess this counts...kind of.
Our guess? Evil Dead. But what we got, for the final movie, was:

The House By The Cemetery

The Lucio Fulci classic! Another nice surprise of a movie I had never seen before. Squeaky-voiced brat and his family are tortured by a super-zombie in their basement, at least that's what I was able to piece-meal together in my fogginess. This is not a movie I would've ended with, as I believe you need to go out with a bang(like Return of the Living Dead & Re-Animator from previous years), but this worked fine.

After it all ended, I went home and slept till 1AM, missing Dexter, Walking Dead and all of the Halloween festivities. Boo.

Thank you for another great year, Exhumed Films!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Exhumed Films Horrorthon: Survivor's Guide

The hour is just about on us, as we are mere hours away from the 4th annual Exhumed Films Horrorthon, and I could not be more excited! I'd say only 50% of the people reading this will be going to this event, so I have put together a checklist of do's and don'ts to help yourself through this or any movie marathon:

1. The Early Bird Gets The Worm
Do you want to make sure you get the seats that you really want for the horrorthon? Then arriving late is not an option. The show starts at Noon, so arriving at 11:45AM is not the best plan of attack. Also if you are going with a large group of friends, getting there late will guarantee you will have to sit scattershot all over the theater, most likely next to some freak with broad shoulders and penchant for snoring while awake.

2. Dress Comfortably
Yes this year's Horrorthon will be falling on Halloween weekend, but that does not mean it's a good idea to come dressed in your Robot Monster costume. Best bet is to where loose sweatpants and a comfortable hoodie.

3. Bring A Pillow
After midnight it will start getting hard to watch the movies, especially because they will show some of the weirder films at this time. So, a soft place to rest your head is recommended(a pillow or the guy-next-to-you's man boob).

4. Have A Small Flashlight
Being in a darkened movie theater for 6 or more hours can do a real number on the eyes, especially someone like me who has mole eyes. Also I'm sure most of us will be bringing things with us(some kind of napsack) that will be kept at our feet, which is why I think it's a good idea to have a small pocket flashlight to know where your shit is. It also comes in handy when u have to get up and go to the bathroom, you can shine the light on the ground as not step on anyone's feet while you walk through the aisle.

5. Bring A Small Cooler Of Food
One of my main goals this year is to not miss any part of any movie, except for bathroom breaks. So this year I myself am bringing a small cooler with Cheerios and granola bars, a cuple of ham sandwitches, some 5 hour energies and some pop corn. I'll be all prepared so I won't have to leave to get food. This leads us right into...

6. Bring Beverages That You Don't Mind Drinking Warm
Warm soda sucks, so I am bring 2 half gallon Iced Teas from Wawa, which are still good at room temperature. I'll probably freeze them beforhand to make sure that they stay colder longer.

7. Bring Deodorant self explanatory.

hat's all I can think of for right now. I sure hope this list helps those of you going this weekend or anyone going to any horror marathon around the country, either this weekend or anytime in the future.
My next post will be my post EF Horrorthon review and reactions. So please, everyone have a safe and happy Halloween, watch some good(or bad) horror movies this weekend and DO NOT miss The Walking Dead this Sunday night at 10PM on AMC! Stay Scared!
(ps- i am publishing this late and i do not have time to edit or spellcheck so forgive any dumb mistakes)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Exhumed Films Horrorthon Year 3: RAW FORCE

It was October 23rd, 2009 and the 3rd annual Exhumed Films Horrorthon was upon us! I arrived at the International House around 10:30am to see a HUGE line of people waiting to get in already! Luckily I was able to secure my favorite seats, and was able to hold a few for my friends who were showing up later in the day(this year they will be arriving with me, as I will not miss any movies for people this year).
On to the list:

12:15PM - Beloved(by some!) horror/monster movie directed by a genre favorite - Creepshow

There isn't a horrorphile alive that doesn't adore this movie, and if their is I don't want to know them! Quite possibly has one of the oddest casts in horror movie history: Leslie Nielson. Ted Danson. Hal Holbrook. Ed Harris... All of them good actors not known for horror movies at all, which made them great casting choices.

2:30PM - Giant Monster Movie - Godzilla on Monster Island

The only thing I remember about this Godzilla flick is that it was unintentionally hilarious. Definitely better than Destroy All Monsters from the prior year.

4:15PM - Science Fiction/Horror Modern Classic - The Fly(1986)

This was a nice surprise for me, as I had never seen this David Cronenburg classic and the horrorthon was the perfect setting for it! Jeff Goldblum had never been better(except for maybe Death Wish) and Geena Davis was good casting as Goldblum's gay lover, Pete(she's a guy, right?). Best movie to watch Jeff puke all over people.

6:00PM - "Old school" gothic horror starring 2 genre favorites - The Oblong Box

I went out for dinner during this movie, so forgive my lacking anything to say about it, except that it starred Count Dooku.

8:00PM Slasher sequel that many people enjoy in spite of(or perhaps because of) it's utter stupidity - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

This one should've been titled Jason Vs. George McFly!

9:30PM - Definitely one of weirdest, most gratuitous, bat-shit craziest films of the evening, if not of all time - Raw Force

This movie delivered what it promised: bat-shit craziness! Ninja fighting! Naked women! Crazy commandos! Asian Hitler! Cannibal monks! Zombies! This is a great party movie! The crowd went nuts for this!

11:15PM - Stunning Giallo(italian horror) from a master of the genre - The Next Victim (A.K.A. The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh)

NOT the best movie to follow up Raw Force with... Kinda like your girlfriend offering foreplay AFTER you cum all over her. This movie did nothing for me, but maybe I need to see it again. I'm willing...

12:45AM - Sleazy, absurdist zombie movie guilty pleasure - City of the Living Dead(A.K.A. Nightmare City)

I remember this movie being loads of fun with an odd ending. The zombies had terrible make up, though. Looked like they had huge scabby heads. I need to see this again.

2:15AM: Verily! A sword & sandal epic unmatched in the annals of time - Hercules in the Haunted World

I remember NOTHING about this movie... Man I'm on a roll this year. I better do my best to stay more awake at this years horrorthon or GTFO! Another film starring Count Dooku.

3:45Am - Rarely screened thriller that is dark, brutal and generally unpleasant. Starring a genre favorite - Trauma(A.K.A. House on Straw Hill)

Zzzzzzzzz... What..was I snoring? Where am I? Is their a movie playing? Is that the credits? Why am I wet?

5:15AM - Ok, remember how insane movie #6 was? Or how you thought nothing could make less sense, or be more entertaining? Seriously, poke that guy sitting next to you and wake his ass up! He's not going to wanna miss this - Lady Terminator

This movie... this movie... how in the blue hell do you explain this movie? It's actually next to impossible. Yale has a whole course trying to figure out how to properly explain this movie to people. For me, the only way to describe it is "An Indonesian Terminator rip-off". The movie is loads of fun, especially with a good audience. I ended up showing it for my birthday last year.

7:30AM - Nifty, creepy and fun little horror movie starring no one you've ever heard of - The Children

What is with Exhumed Films obsession with showing movies about kids getting killed? God bless ya, EF! This gem has a bunch of diseased children burning adults alive with their bare hands. I seem to remember one adult running around cutting kids hands off with a katana blade. Four stars!

9:00AM - Enjoyable "animals attack" films starring just about every genre favorite ever - Piranha

Fantastic Joe Dante movie that shows off some early effects that he would later use in Gremlins. I heard the remake is also a ton of fun.

10:45AM - Wow, what a surprise, the horrorthon ends with yet another zombie flick. Oh Exhumed Films, you are so predictable... - Re-Animator

What a wonderful movie to end with! I am embarrassed to say I had never seen this before, but it makes seeing it on the big screen for the 1st time all the more special. Since then I've seen it two more times and I've come to the conclusion that it's the most perfect horror movie of all time. Yay or nay?

I'm pretty annoyed at myself that I missed at least 4 or 5 movies during this horrorthon, but I promise that I will not fall asleep at all this year! I'ma bringing 2 Eight Balls with me... Booya!

I hope you enjoyed my over-views of the Exhumed Films Horrorthons, but I still have one more post to make on the subject: my own personal "survivors guide"for 24 hours of horror movies away from home. Look for that tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Exhumed Films Horrorthon Year 2: 25 Hours!

On November 1st, 2008, Exhumed Films was not only celebrating their 11th year exposing the best of sick-o cinema to the horror-philes of Philadelphia and the surrounding areas, but getting ready to put on their 2nd annual horror movie marathon(the horrorthon), only this year with a twist: the festivities were to fall on the weekend where the clocks go back a full hour, thus making the horrorthon a full hour longer! To make things even better was the fact that I was going to actually attend this year, so I was really excited!
Now I had already written a blog back in '08 on my old Myspace page(, which was used in a City Paper article last year(yeah professional published author!), so once again this is just a general recap of the clues given and the movies shown. Also added in are my reactions to each film. Lucky you.

12:15PM - Living-Dead-Getting-Revenge Flick - The Fog

I had never sen this one before and have not watched it since, but I do remember really liking it. Time to give it another viewing, maybe side-by-side with the Tom Welling remake.

2:15PM - One of the greatest giant monster movies of all time. - Destroy All Monsters

I was never a big Godzilla fan, and this movie is a big reason why. Now while I do enjoy the whole cheesiness of the films, and who doesn't love rubber monsters beating the snot out of each other, but the 1st hour of this movie reeeaaally drags on. The final monster battle royal is awesome, but best viewed at home so you can fast forward.

3:45PM - Unique, rarely seen horror oddity - Wicked, Wicked

Now this was one of the best films shown during the horrorthon! A completely off-the-wall "slasher film" that was shown in DUO-VISION, which was simply 2 screens, side by side, showing 2 things going on at the same time in the movie. One was the killers POV, the other was he victims(it's not as annoying as it sounds). I absolutely loved this movie and have been dying to find a bootleg. Movies like this is the reason to go to the horrorthon!

5:35PM - "Old School" Science Fiction Classic - The Incredible Shrinking Man

I'm glad they showed this, because I would have never watched it on my own. This film was way ahead of it's time for the 50's, with effects that still looks good today.

6:45PM - Dinner Break - They showed a horror movie documentary called The Horror Of It All.

7:55PM - Horror sequel that is not as good as the original, but is still pretty damn entertaining in it's own right - Phantasm 2

Although it's obviously a big-budgeted, action oriented, major studio sequel to a low budget, atmospheric, independent horror tale, as the hint states, it's still damn entertaining.

9:45PM - Slasher Classic - A Nightmare on Elm Street

This movie is a beloved classic, so it really needs no extra notes from me.

11:45PM - Comedy/Monster Movie Favorite - Fright Night

As the movie opened with the "Columbia Pictures" logo, I literally became overjoyed thinking it was going to be Ghostbusters...I was not disappointed to be wrong, though.

1:30AM - Dan Fraga's favorite Halloween film of all time. - Dead & Buried

Not knowing who Dan Fraga was at the time(one of the Exhumed Films guys), guessing this movie was impossible. This is a dark, foreboding movie(from the savage-beating opening to the climactic ending) has since become one of my favorites of all time. A must see during the Halloween season!

2:00Am - Clocks are turned back a full hour

2:20PM - Sleazy/bizarre slasher guilty pleasure - The Boogey Man

I found this to be a sleazy masterpiece, with some of the craziest killings I've ever seen in a horror film! Totally worth watching while your "goonin' face".

4:00AM - I'm kind of at a loss on how to describe this film... Um... It's a horror film - Island of the Damned

This movie was balls-to-the-wall insane/awesome! Starts slow but perfectly builds to a fantastic ending. Also features one of my all-time favorite movie deaths! Another movie I never would have seen if not for the horrorthon!

5:30AM - Ridiculously goofy monster movie guilty pleasure - EQUINOX

I did not like this movie upon my 1st viewing, but I've since seen it again and enjoyed much more the 2nd go round.

7:00AM - Breakfast time! - Exhumed Films provided everyone with free cereal as they showed The Superfriends meet Frankenstein, which was just awful. I almost left when I thought they were going to show a 2nd one.

7:20AM - Horror sequel that is not as good as the original, but is still pretty damn entertaining in it's own right - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

If you do not love this movie, you are not a horror fan and you're no friend of mine.

9:00AM - Campy monster movie cult classic - The Food of the Gods

Oof...this movie was hard to sit through, with it being the 13th out of 14 films. The special effects were pretty good for this being a Bert I. Gordon film, but being raised a MSTIE made me not trust this movie.

10:45AM - Zombies. Gotta bring it home with zombies - The Return of the Living Dead

Unarguably the best zombie movie ever made. Think about how scary this movie is: the zombies CAN NOT BE KILLED! If you burn them, all fucking hell breaks loose! Fantastic punk rock soundtrack rounds out how awesome this movie really is. I truly feel that this is a horror film that non-horror fans can truly enjoy. Rest In Peace Danny O'Bannon!

Part 3 tomorrow! Stay scared!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Exhumed Films Horrorthon Year One: 2007

As we are now just under 3 weeks away from the 4th annual Exhumed Films Horrorthon, I figured I'd write up a few blogs chronicling the past years and give my incite on how to survive an arduous tasks of 24 hours straight of 35mm horror films.
In 2007, Exhumed Films celebrated their 10 year anniversary, and to mark this occasion they started what would become a major Philly/Halloween tradition in the Horrorthon. Noon Saturday till noon Sunday, the audience is bombarded with at least 14 back to back horror(or genre related) films, all the while never knowing what films they were going to see until it's actually started. The EF crew are not merciless, as they give us a list of vague clues to hint us in on what we are going to see(I've never been right once thus far).
Now I actually missed the 2007 Horrorthon, but when I heard the movies they had shown, I was a little disappointed by how many mainstream films they ended up showing, as opposed to more obscure ones that I wanted to see. I would later learn in the years following that you want a good mix of the mainstream and the obscure, to keep things interesting. It's like listening to a good radio station; you wanna hear new music, but also have some well known favorites to keep you interested.
Since I was not at this horrorthon, I have no real experience to share with you, so I'll just go over the list of what they did play, which I located on another blog, along with the "clues":

12:15PM - Slasher Classic - "Halloween"(1978)

2:00PM - Giant Monster Movie - "Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla

3:45PM - Creepy, beloved Made For Television Movie - "Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark"

5:15PM - Gruesome favorite that doesn't fall into any particular genre - "Hellraiser"

7:45PM "sort-of-living-dead-but-not-exactly" classic - "Phantasm"

9:30PM - Sleazy/absurdist/infamous slasher guilty pleasure - "Pieces"

11:15PM - Comedy/monster movie favorite - "An American Werewolf In London"

12:45AM - Vampire Cult Classic - "Blacula"

2:30AM - Sleazy/absurdist/infamous zombie guilty pleasure - "Burial Ground"

4:00AM - A real obscurity that you wont think is a horror movie until it's final moments - "Teenage Mother"

5:15AM - Ridiculously goofy/trashy monster movie guilty pleasure - "Dracula Vs. Frankenstein"

7:15AM - "sort-of-living-dead-but-not-exactly" cult classic - "Demons"

8:45AM Campy monster movie cult classic - "Alligator"

10:15AM - Zombie movie that still makes me sick everytime I see it - "The Gates of Hell

Between most of the movies are all kinds of short films and old trailers which really pads things out nicely.
Look for Part 2 of this blog tomorrow.