Obituary for a Horrorthon

Dearly Beloved,

We are gathered here to celebrate the life and times of the Philadelphia 24 Hour Horrorthon, which will take it’s final breath this weekend, at the International House.

Since 2008, the Horrorthon has been a gathering like no other, and created excitement that hadn’t been felt by the Philly horror community in a long time. On the final weekend of October, every year, the International House would screen 14 unknown films, back to back for 24 straight hours, either delighting or horrifying those in attendance, from well-known classics, to unknown schlock, and everything in between.

Started by the collective known as Exhumed Films, already doing 35mm film screenings since 1997, they decided to take it up a notch on their 10 year anniversary. Instead of double features, and all-nighters, the decision was made to attempt a full 24 hour horror movie marathon. “We’ll be lucky if it sells out,” they thought. While it did sell out, it took until the day of the show. Word of mouth spread, and the now annual Horrorthon has become a hot ticket in recent years, selling out in a matter of minutes.

Unfortunately, the International House has been sold, which means Exhumed Films is losing its home base. While they are building their own facility in New Jersey, it will not be an auditorium big enough to fit 400+, which means the Horrorthon, as we know it, is essentially dead.

Missed will be Dan and Joe’s opening announcements and prize giveaways, which got more out of hand every year.

Missed will be list of clues given out every year, to help the audience figure out which mystery movies will be screened.

Missed will be sitting in the I-House courtyard at 2am, skipping out on a film to have late-night discussions with both friends and strangers.

Missed will be coming back into the theater at 3am to a chorus of snores, farts, and beer bottles being kicked down the auditorium stairs.

Missed will be the free cereal provided early Sunday morning, to the brave folks, getting ready to be done with this herculean feat.

Remembered will be the friendships that were made, especially the friends who are no longer with us. Friends like James Harris, and Robert Taylor.

Remembered will be the countless hours of classic film trailers that were shown between films.

Remembered will be how incredibly hot and sweaty the theater would become towards the 12 hour mark.

Remembered will be the multitude of movies that were discovered during the Horrorthon’s history, including Dead & Buried, Phantom of the Paradise, and The Deadly Spawn.

Remembered will be the truly crazy films, that could’ve only been fun with the Horrorthon audience, including Boarding House, Lady Terminator, and Wicked, Wicked.

Remembered will be the time half the audience “took a walk” when they screened Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.

Remembered, but certainly not missed, will be all the debris left behind by the audience, cleaned by the Exhumed crew, after the show ends.

Left to mourn are the 400+ who would fill the Molten Lava Theater for what had become like a new Christmas to many. 

“The surprise of what films would screen would be like gifts from Santa,” one attendee mused.

14 unknown horror films will be screened this weekend for what may be the final time. Who will survive, and what will be left of them?

While it will be very sad to see a 13 year tradition come to a close, the memories will last a lifetime.

Killer Klowns! Deadly Spawns! Terror Doctors!

Family.

That's exactly who filled the International House for the Killer Klowns/Deadly Spawn creature double feature. This was also a benefit show/prize raffle for Dr. Jimmy Harris, PHD(in terror), who's fighting Cancer in the Octagon at UFC 124, with all proceeds from the show going to the Harris clan.

Prizes were donated by various sources(I'm far too lazy to look them up) But I can tell you that Vinegar Syndrome, The Shock Chamber's Daniel Monser-something Italian sounding(I'm not looking that up either), and Waxwork Records. Fright Rags donated a bunch of shirts(sizes girl's small and under).

Yours truly even donated some unopened toys I purchased back before I actually gave a shit about what I spent my money on.

There was only one prize I wanted: The Alamo Drafthouse Gremlins Tiki Mug. Just look at this preview image that Exhumed posted on their Facebook prior to the show:

The Rogue One tumbler is cool, same with the tickets, but that Tiki mug........

My want for this really has nothing to do with Gremlins, as my Tiki collection far outweighs my Gremlins collection(consisting of zero items), but it's demonic face was just too appealing, so I dumped most of my $25 in prize tickets on this set, hoping I'd win.

Sperler alurt: i won

After the prizes were dished out, the films unspooled. Fun was had. Hugs were given. Everyone went home. 

This was an amazing show put on by Exhumed Films. Not because of the films screened, but because of the hearts of the humanity there that day. Harry, Dan, Jesse and Joseph should all be proud of the strong family of people they've built in 20 years, people who will do anything for one another. I myself am a far better person because of the friends I've made through the films we've enjoyed together. Hell, Exhumed Films is what inspired me to write in the first place, and for that I thank them.

Thanks, Exhumed. Thexhumed.

(seriously how boss does this look)

And lastly: FUCK. CANCER.

Exhumed Films' Horrorthon 2015 Crib Notes

Exhumed Films 9th Annual 24 Hour Horrorthon

Movie 1
Gruesome, insane Hong Kong horror comedy

We're Going to Eat You

The running theme for this Horrorthon blog will be "I don't remember" because despite being the most recent show of the three I've written about this week, it's the show I remember the least.
I must've enjoyed We're Going to Eat You though, as I ended up buying it.

Movie 2
Totally awesome, action/horror/sci-fi amalgam

Silent Rage

A fun film, best described as "Chuck Norris versus Michael Myers."

Movie 3
Giant Monster Movie

Godzilla 1985

Featuring Godzilla's greatest battle

Movie 4
Innovative, intellectual horror classic from a genre legend

Martin

Proving again that Romero is a master of his craft, as he handles Vampires with as much delicacy and respect as he gave to zombies.
The Fox TV network would attempt to reboot Martin into a series, with mixed results.

"Movie" 5
Horror anthology featuring works by influential genre filmmakers

Shock Value

This film-like thing, which seemed to have been cobbled together using a Windows 98 editing suite, was screened as the obligatory "dinner break" feature.
My group left to get pizza and back-alley tug jobs. The pizza was cold and apparently I yank too hard.

Movie 6
Cool Halloween-themed fan favorite from the 1980s

Night of the Demons

Amnesia. I remember nothing. But I WAS in the room.

Movie 7
Strange, funny, and slightly disturbing monster movie that serves as an allegory for addiction

Brain Damage

The perfect film to cross midnight, into the wee hours. Features the voice of the late, great Zacherly.

Movie 8
Surreal, cerebral science fiction film with a dash of good old-fashioned monster movie thrown into the mix

Altered States

William Hurt turns into a monkey, raises heck all over the place. Was remade in the '90s as Dunsten Checks In.

Movie 9
Bizzarro sci-fi satire schlockfest starring a who's who of cult movie icons

(goddamn)Terror Vision

One of my all-time favorite movies, and a perfect choice. I honestly wish Exhumed would screen it at every Horrorthon.

Movie 10
Stylish, gory, and under seen shocker that feels like a Euro-horror film, even though it was produced in the U.S.

The Witch

I slept through most of The Witch, although I liked what little of it I watched. Not to be confused with The VVitch.

Movie 11
Infamous, goofy 1960s B-grade monster movie

The Horror of Party Beach

I love these types of movies, but not at hour eighteen of a 24 hour movie marathon.

Movie 12
Quite simply one of the best vampire movies of all time

Near Dark

I'm surprised it took Exhumed nine years to screen this classic at a Horrorthon.
We also would've accepted The Lost Boys.

Movie 13
Non-traditional "Animals Attack" movie filling the traditional Horrorthon "Animals Attack" timeslot

Piranha II: The Spawning

With respect to Oscar winning Best Boy James Cameron, I slept through this mess.

Movie 14
Wacky horror comedy which, shockingly, we have only screened once before over the course of eighteen years

(the almighty)Army of Darkness

Just like anyone, I've seen Army of Darkness a couple hundred times, but I still had never seen it on 35mm. Both the horror AND film nerd halves of me were satisfied.

This is my second favorite Horrorthon.

Exhumed Films Horrorthon 2014 Crib Notes

This is a very random mixture of oddball, "bastard step-children" horror films. It's a Horror Nerd's dream show. When the most mainstream film on the list features a horrific child death, you know you're in for a good time.

Exhumed Films Eight Annual 24 Hour Horrorthon

Movie 1
Stylish, star-studded cosmic horror film worthy of rediscovery

The Keep

The Horrorthon '14 is off to a terrible start as I fall asleep during the first movie. While I'm sure The Keep is a wonderful story, and I will certainly give it another go, I don't agree with this choice as an opener.

Movie 2
Influential Asian horror movie that created it's own sub-genre

Black Magic

Highly enjoyable.

Movie 3
Quite possible the dumbest Giant Monster Movie of all time

Godzilla's Revenge

This is a bottom-rung Godzilla film, which meant this would be a real crowd-pleaser.

Movie 4
Earnest entry in an iconic horror movie series that doesn't live up to it's predecessors, but is still infinitely superior to the terrible sequels and do-overs that followed

Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III

This would be a stellar choice, but when you've seen the unrated DVD cut, the 35mm print becomes almost dog-shit, because it's censored to Hell.

Movie 5
Fun, rarely screened sci-fi/horror inspired by the 1950s-era atomic monster movies

Blue Monkey

No idea, as we stepped out for a bit.

Movie 6
Creepy "living dead" fan favorite

Pet Sematary

Easily the most well-known film at this year's show, and quite possibly the scariest.

Movie 7
Silly, low-budget horror sequel to the silly, low-budget original which played at a recent Horrorthon

The Gate II

I remember that I watched it, but I don't actually remember it, if that makes any sense.

Movie 8
Infamous and brutal 1970's gore exploitation film that lives up(or down?) to it's reputation as one of the sleaziest, and most disturbing movies of all time; you've been warned

Last House and Dead-End Street

This was a special treat. I was so "out of it" at this point, it took me a few minutes to realize that this was indeed the film I named my blog after, and not "on the Left."
The audience seemed to really hate this experience, which is an reaction that's hard to argue. Dead-End Street is a rough movie to sit through, but everyone in that theater is a better person for having done so, whether they know it or not.

Movie 9
Ridiculously bad, anachronistic "period piece" horror film from a divisive director that folks tend to love or hate... or love to hate

Guru the Mad Monk

Skipped out on the Mad Monk.

Movie 10
Goofy, absurd, and yet strangely charming 1970s creature feature

Bog

I remember the elderly romantic subplot better than what the monster looked like, because we were well past midnight at this point, so things were starting to get weirder in the theater.

Movie 11
Gruesome, satirical horror/exploitation favorite

Mother's Day

A sleazy(yet intentionally funny) crowd pleaser. Also, one of my all-time favorite VHS covers.

Movie 12
Clever and enjoyable supernatural "sequel in-name-only" that may actually be a bit better than the original

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II

I slept through this, however the very little I did get to watch seemed pretty good. I dig the rhyming-scheme of the title.

Movie 13
Obscure, gory 1980s slasher film

Nightmare at Shadow Woods aka Blood Rage

Very entertaining Thanksgiving-based slasher with "one good/one bad" murderous Twin plot. Recently released by Arrow Video, and is well worth a buy.

Movie 14
Totally awesome, totally creepy "Animals Attack" film

Kingdom of the Spiders

Nope.

Movie 15
Zombie movie fan favorite that should be a fun film to finish out the festival

Night of the Creeps

Awesome choice to finish the event off, but it ended sour for me personally, as it was this point I started developing a kidney stone, which are incredibly painful. And to pour salt on that wound, I arrived home to find out that my cat had died.
See you in 2015!
---------------------

Exhumed Films Horrorthon 2013 Crib Notes

I have not reviewed the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon in four years. I wish I could give you a good reason why I stopped, but I honestly have no idea.
"Did you stop going to the Horrorthon?"
I attended the following three years, and already have my ticket for this year's show.
"Maybe you stopped blogging?"
I've written about other events, although this year has been a writing dry spell.
Honestly, any reason I could give would likely just sound like lame excuses and pointless whining, which ain't nobody got time for, so let's just move on to the subject at hand.
------------------------------------------------
I now attempt to review the experience of a Horrorthon from three years ago, with an ever-fading memory of the event. This outta be fun.

Exhumed Films 7th Annual 24 Hour Horrorthon

Movie 1
HINT: Weird, fun, underrated horror film from the 1990s

-Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

This is, by far, the best "opening film" at any Horrorthon, both past and present. If the crowd had been armed, the ceiling of the International House Theater would be full of holes.
I doubt very much that Demon Knight's brother, Bordello of Blood, would've gone over as swimmingly.

Movie 2
Unique psychological thriller/Animals Attack film from one of the most highly regarded genre directors of all time

-Monkey Shines

The crowd was really into this lesser-known film from George Romero. The literal "Hooting and Hollering" for the nudity was great, with some actual booing when a dame's butt gets covered by a blanket. Good times...
It would seem that some people took a walk during it because of "animal cruelty," but I read that no monkeys were killed during filming. Some dude broke an arm, and somebody kicked a cat, but that's about it.

Movie 3
Low budget zombie film that may be better than it looks, but probably isn't

-Flesh Eater

This Night of the Living Dead "pseudo-sequel" is written, directed, and stars the first zombie to appear on-screen in the actual NOTLD, Bill Hinzman.
It's badly written. Badly directed. Badly edited. And I hear the catering was shit as well.
Highly recommended.

Movie 4
Grim, gruesome, disturbing '70s horror film

-Mansion of the Doomed

This movie was indeed, pretty gruesome, and it's slow-pace calmed the audience down a bit, which was probably necessary. My second favorite film of the Horrorthon.

Movie 5
Euro-horror classic

-Inferno

The only thing I remember of this screening of Inferno is that someone pulled the fire alarm in the middle of the film, which will never cease to be funny.

Movie 6
Silly, sorta-sexy '60s "Spook Show" short

-Monsters Crash the Pajama Party

With a real live monster on stage! Or just someone in a guerrilla suit. This was fun, with some audience participation; it would be great if Exhumed did these more often.

Movie 7
Pioneering combination of horror and rock music

-The Alice Cooper Show: Welcome to my Nightmare

While I have no idea if this concert film was any good, the pizza we ate up the street was greasy and poorly written.

Movie 8
If you loved last year's "Night of a Thousand Cats", you'll probably love this

-Tintorea

The title means "female shark". The goofy romantic subplot kept the audience entertained, but the scene with the real life dead shark carcass seemed to upset some.

We are now well past midnight at this point, and this is where shit start's to get weird, both on the screen and in your mind, as your brain starts to beg for sleep. Your bladder begs to be emptied.

Movie 9
Over the past sixteen years, Exhumed Films has shown a lot of slasher films. But we have never shown this one before. I know that's not much of a clue, but that's all I've got...

-The House on Sorority Row

I found this film to be a terribly boring "Slash/Tits/Confetti" affair. And it sent a few of my friends home early, which was a shame, because it meant they would miss the wonderfulness that was screening next.

Movie 10
Ridiculously inept and absurd horror movie mess that is actually pretty entertaining despite being a complete train wreck

-Night Train to Terror

This was my favorite movie of the show, but it was at this point that i decided to make the wise and healthy decision to drink a combo-concoction of a Five Hour Energy and a Red Bull. I'm pretty sure I did severe, long-term damage to my kidneys and pee-hole.
Night Train to Terror features a lovely head-smashing, so Five Stars across the board.

Movie 11
Unsettling early horror/pseudo zombie film from one of the most highly regarded genre directors of all time

-The Parasite Murders aka They Came From Within

ZzzzzzzzCroenenbergzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzslugszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzclownsuitzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Movie 12
Rousing fantasy/action/giant monster movie

-The Golden Voyage of Sinbad

[skull emoji]

Movie 13
Dumb zombie movie Exhumed showed ages ago and vowed we'd never show again. And yet, here we are...

-Toxic Zombies

Somehow Exhumed found a more inept Zombie movie than Flesh Eater. The was fun, but I was really having trouble staying awake at this point. A lot of this movie was a trippy dream hallucination.

Movie 14
Fun action movie(with sci-fi/horror overtones) directed by a genre favorite

-(mother fucking)Darkman

One of my all-time favorite films. The audience was now woke and full of free monster cereals.

Movie 15
Horror movie sequel that is not nearly as good as the original, but is still pretty entertaining in it's own right

-Demons 2

Ending with Darkman would've been a Home-run, but I'm sure this was still a solid choice. I was unconscious through most of it. And by "most of it" I mean "I've never seen Demons 2".
----------------------
Tomorrow: 2014, which is arguably the oddest Horrorthon to date.

Exhumed Films Horrorthon 2013 Crib Notes

I have not reviewed the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon in four years. I wish I could give you a good reason why I stopped, but I honestly have no idea.
"Did you stop going to the Horrorthon?"
I attended the following three years, and already have my ticket for this year's show.
"Maybe you stopped blogging?"
I've written about other events, although this year has been a writing dry spell.
Honestly, any reason I could give would likely just sound like lame excuses and pointless whining, which ain't nobody got time for, so let's just move on to the subject at hand.
------------------------------------------------
I now attempt to review the experience of a Horrorthon from three years ago, with an ever-fading memory of the event. This outta be fun.

Exhumed Films 7th Annual 24 Hour Horrorthon

Movie 1
HINT: Weird, fun, underrated horror film from the 1990s

-Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

This is, by far, the best "opening film" at any Horrorthon, both past and present. If the crowd had been armed, the ceiling of the International House Theater would be full of holes.
I doubt very much that Demon Knight's brother, Bordello of Blood, would've gone over as swimmingly.

Movie 2
Unique psychological thriller/Animals Attack film from one of the most highly regarded genre directors of all time

-Monkey Shines

The crowd was really into this lesser-known film from George Romero. The literal "Hooting and Hollering" for the nudity was great, with some actual booing when a dame's butt gets covered by a blanket. Good times...
It would seem that some people took a walk during it because of "animal cruelty," but I read that no monkeys were killed during filming. Some dude broke an arm, and somebody kicked a cat, but that's about it.

Movie 3
Low budget zombie film that may be better than it looks, but probably isn't

-Flesh Eater

This Night of the Living Dead "pseudo-sequel" is written, directed, and stars the first zombie to appear on-screen in the actual NOTLD, Bill Hinzman.
It's badly written. Badly directed. Badly edited. And I hear the catering was shit as well.
Highly recommended.

Movie 4
Grim, gruesome, disturbing '70s horror film

-Mansion of the Doomed

This movie was indeed, pretty gruesome, and it's slow-pace calmed the audience down a bit, which was probably necessary. My second favorite film of the Horrorthon.

Movie 5
Euro-horror classic

-Inferno

The only thing I remember of this screening of Inferno is that someone pulled the International House's fire alarm in the middle of the film.

Movie 6
Silly, sorta-sexy '60s "Spook Show" short

-Monsters Crash the Pajama Party

With a real live monster on stage! Or just someone in a guerrilla suit. This was fun, with some audience participation; it would be great if Exhumed did these more often.

Movie 7
Pioneering combination of horror and rock music

-The Alice Cooper Show: Welcome to my Nightmare

While I have no idea if this concert film was any good, the pizza we ate up the street was greasy and poorly written.

Movie 8
If you loved last year's "Night of a Thousand Cats", you'll probably love this

-Tintorea

The title means "female shark". The goofy romantic subplot kept the audience entertained, but the scene with the real life dead shark carcass seemed to upset some.

We are now well past midnight at this point, and this is where shit start's to get weird, both on the screen and in your mind, as your brain starts to beg for sleep. Your bladder begs to be emptied.

Movie 9
Over the past sixteen years, Exhumed Films has shown a lot of slasher films. But we have never shown this one before. I know that's not much of a clue, but that's all I've got...

-The House on Sorority Row

I found this film to be a terribly boring "Slash/Tits/Confetti" affair. And it sent a few of my friends home early, which was a shame, because it meant they would miss the wonderfulness that was screening next.

Movie 10
Ridiculously inept and absurd horror movie mess that is actually pretty entertaining despite being a complete train wreck

-Night Train to Terror

This was my favorite movie of the show, but it was at this point that i decided to make the wise and healthy decision to drink a combo-concoction of a Five Hour Energy and a Red Bull. I'm pretty sure I did severe, long-term damage to my kidneys and pee-hole.
Night Train to Terror features a lovely head-smashing, so Five Stars across the board.

Movie 11
Unsettling early horror/pseudo zombie film from one of the most highly regarded genre directors of all time

-The Parasite Murders aka They Came From Within

ZzzzzzzzCroenenbergzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzslugszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzclownsuitzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Movie 12
Rousing fantasy/action/giant monster movie

-The Golden Voyage of Sinbad

[skull emoji]

Movie 13
Dumb zombie movie Exhumed showed ages ago and vowed we'd never show again. And yet, here we are...

-Toxic Zombies

Somehow Exhumed found a more inept Zombie movie than Flesh Eater. The was fun, but I was really having trouble staying awake at this point. A lot of this movie was a trippy dream hallucination.

Movie 14
Fun action movie(with sci-fi/horror overtones) directed by a genre favorite

-(mother fucking)Darkman

One of my all-time favorite films. The audience was now woke and full of free monster cereals.

Movie 15
Horror movie sequel that is not nearly as good as the original, but is still pretty entertaining in it's own right

-Demons 2

Ending with Darkman would've been a Home-run, but I'm sure this was still a solid choice. I was unconscious through most of it. And by "most of it" I mean "I've never seen Demons 2".
----------------------
Tomorrow: 2014, which is arguably the oddest Horrorthon to date.

31 Days of Horror 2015: THE MADNESS - Final Round

Movies 18 & 19

The Hills Have Eyes(1977) - Dir. Wes Craven - Starring Dee Wallace, Michael Berryman, Janus Blythe - Run Time: 89 Min - Rating: Two Stars

The Hills Have Eyes(2006) - Dir. Alexandre Aja - Starring Ted Levine, Emilie de Ravin, Michael Bailey Smith - Run Time: 107 Min - Rating: Four Stars

Here's likely an unpopular opinion: I like the Hills Have Eyes remake more than the original. Despite being(mostly) a shot-for-shot retelling, I like the style of the 2006 version. The family is better. The gore is better. The "final battle" in the abandoned town improved the story tenfold. The only thing that carries over is the mutants; they're great in both films.

Blasphemy perhaps, but this here is one remake that counterpoints the argument.

-Madness Bonus Points: Underground shenanigans.

Movie 20

Dawn of the Mummy - Dir. Frank Agrama - Starring Barry Sattels, George Peck, John Salvo - Run Time: 93 Min - Rating: One Star

Exhumed Films showed the trailer for this terrible gem at this year's 24 Hour Horror-thon, and the crowd loved it. I obviously had to hunt down a copy, and I was not disappointed in the least. Honestly, it's a pretty terrible movie, but it was still very entertaining, and the full film would work really well inserted into the middle-of-the-night slot at next year's Horror-thon.

Bonus Points: There's an pyramid which I think counts as underground caverns.

Movie 21

Halloween III: Season of the Witch - Dir. Tommy Lee Wallace - Starring Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin, Dan O'Herlihy - Run Time: 98 Min - Rating: Four Stars

There seems to be three films that have fans arguing over whether they're good/terrible: Nightmare on Elm Street 2, Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation, and Season of the Witch. The latter is certainly the best of the group. Halloween III's main issues are it's release date and movie title, and that is all. It was released in the middle of of horror's "sequel-mania" of the 1980's, and instead of being an original story with it's own identity, they slap HALLOWEEN 3 on the film reel, hoping that people would just accept a movie without Michael Myers; boy were they wrong.

SOTW seems to have finally found the audience it so desperately wanted 30 years ago, but it still receives opposition from people who simply hate it based souley on the name, which is a real shame.

Bonus Points: Having to watch that kids face melts should be worth something.

Movie 22

The Brain That Wouldn't Die(Mystery Science Theater 3000 edition) - Dir. Joseph Green - Starring Jason Evers, Virginia Leith, Adele Lamont - Run Time: 120 Min - Rating: Four Stars(for the MST3K episode)

MST3K is my favorite tv show, and this episode was a heartbreaker when it aired, because I missed the episode where Joel left(the week prior), so I had no idea who the hell this new guy was and it almost ruined the show for me. Luckily I've always been an open-minded guy, and Mike Nelson ended up being a worthy successor.

As for the movie from this episode, it's an odd one for the aired-on-Saturday-mornings Mystery Science Theater, because of it's sleaze and violence, which makes The Brain That Wouldn't Die stand out as a good start for a new host, and one hell of a funny episode.

Bonus Points: Watched on an old VHS; worth a fist bump?

23

Ash Vs. Evil Dead - Dir. Sam Raimi - Starring Bruce Campbell, Ray Santiago, Lucy Lawless - Run Time: 30 Min - Rating: Five Stars

I'm going to write a bigger piece on this, as I have a lot to say about it. I'll say right now that if you haven't seen the first episode, it's free to watch online, and it's worth seeking out.

Bonus Points: Lucy Lawless is all the points I need.

Movie 24

Hellraiser - Dir. Clive Barker - Starring Andrew Robinson, Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence - Run Time: 94 Min - Rating: Five Stars

This was a Halloween night choice viewing by a friend of mine, yet we both fell asleep watching it. It's a good movie, obviously.

Bonus Points: Zzzz...

25

The Simpsons' Scare-A-Thon - Creator: Matt Groening - Starring Dan Castellaneta, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith - Run Time: 120 Min - Rating: Five Stars

While digging out my winter clothes, I discovered an old VHS tape with 2 things on it: the above watched MST3K episode, and the first 9 Simpsons Halloween Specials.

The first 4, recorded WITH original commercials(!!!) on a Sunday night in 1993, were part of a two hour Scare-A-Thon, hosted by Bruce Campbell dressed as Brisco County Jr(!!!). This was an awesome discovery, like finding buried treasure, and it made for the perfect end to 31 Days of Horror.

Bonus Points: The Frogurt contains potassium benzoate. 

--------------------------

Upcoming Blogs:

-2015 Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon

-Ash vs. Evil Dead full review

-Hellraiser: The Scarlet Box DVD set discussion 

31 Days of Horror 2015: THE MADNESS - Round 3

Movie 15
Invaders from Mars(1986) - Dir. Tobe Hooper - Starring Karen Black, Hunter Carson, James Karen - Run Time: 100 Min - Viewed: 10/20/15 - 8:40PM - Rating: Two Stars
There's a lot wrong with Invaders from Mars, and very little that's good. In fact, the only reason to watch this sci-fi remake is the amazing alien effects from the great Stan Winston. Well, that and the ridiculous, over the top Opening Credits that take forever; they're hilarious.
Watch this while drunk/high with friends, and you'll get the most fun out of it.

MADNESS BONUS POINTS: The alien ship is underground, and there are multiple underground tunnels caused by this. Also, the "final battle" of the story takes place in this underground ship, which may mean ATB(automatic triple bonus).
There is a sand-pit that will suck you underground into the alien spaceship.
-
Movie 16
The Gate - Dir. Tibor Takacs - Starring Stephen Dorff, Louis Tripp, Christa Denton - Run Time: 85 Min - Viewed: 10/21/15 - 8:44PM Rating: Two and a Half Stars
The Gate is a good mix of The Goonies-style shenanigans, with some genuinely creepy scenes of melting faces and dog people. Why hasn't some enterprising toy manufacturer released a toy version of the little Demons? Seems to me like that's money left on the table.

MADNESS BONUS POINTS: This is a literal gate to Hell in the backyard, and at one point a kid is dragged into it.
-
Movie 17
Over The Garden Wall: The Complete Mini Series
Created by Patrick McHale - Starring Elijah Wood, Collin Dean, Melanie Lynskey - Run Time: 110 Min - Viewed: 10/22/15 - 7:10PM - Rating: Five Stars
This Cartoon Network mini-series, while not a movie per se, is certainly as long as one when you watch all 10 parts in one sitting. You'll need to check this out just to see what this story about two boys, lost in the woods with a talking blue bird, has to do with Halloween. You won't regret it.

MADNESS BONUS POINTS: The Beast only appears at night, or in the shadows.
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Had a busy week, so my movie watching took a hit. I watched 12 movies at the Horrorthon(write up coming this week) and I plan on making up for last week's lack of movies this week.

31 Days of Horror 2015: THE MADNESS - Round 2

Movie 10
High Tension - Dir: Alexandre Aja - Starring Cecile De France, Maiwenn, Philippe Nahon - Run Time: 91 Min - Viewed: 10/11/15 - 8:00PM - Rating: Three Stars
This brutal little nonsensical slice of French horror was part of the last batch of really off-the-wall horror films that got a wide release, back in the mid 2000s. If released today, Haute Tension would've recieved a limited Arthouse Theatre run, while getting a VOD release at the same time. Total rubbish.
I love this film, despite it's flaws. Hilariously, my friend Sean figured out the story's "twist" as he glanced at the huge poster that Lions Gate had on display at the 2005 Wizard World Comic Con in Philly.

Movie 11
The Innkeepers - Dir. Ti West - Starring Sara Paxton, Pat Healy, Kelly McGillis - Run Time: 101 Min - Viewed: 10/12/15 - 4:48PM - Rating: Four Stars
I am a patient man, when it comes to my entertainment. Thus, I am a huge fan of the "slow burn" in my movies. Ti West, as previously seen in House of the Devil, is a master of the slow burn, and he continues that success with The Innkeepers.
This reminded me of a modern version of those 1950's ghost movies that my Mother loves, like The Uninvited.

Movie 12
We Are Still Here - Dir. Ted Geohegan - Starring Barbara Crampton, Andrew Sensenig, Larry Fessenden - Run Time: 84 Min - Viewed: 10/12/15 - 7:36PM - Three Stars
This, along with The Innkeepers, was another first time watch for me. I was only expecting another "haunting" story, so I was taken completely off guard by how violent this film turned out being. This isn't a problem, mind you, just completely unexpected.
This one is riddled with plot holes, but it's still just enjoyable enough that you'll forgive them.

Movie X
Halloween - Dir. Rob Zombie - Starring Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell, Scout Taylor-Compton - Run Time: I turned it off after 5 minutes - Viewed: 10/14/15 - 9:00PM Rating: One Star
I just couldn't with this film. It's terrible. Rob Zombie got a little too "Rob Zombie" with this remake. He made so many bad choices with this film that it would take a whole blog of it's own to go over them all. I'll list a few right now:
-Sherry Moon is terrible as Mom Myers.
-Scout Taylor-Compton is terrible as Laurie Strode.
-Malcolm McDowell is terrible as Dr. Loomis(and it worse is the sequel).
-Daeg Farch(or whatever the fuck his name is) is god awful as Baby Myers.
-I absolutely hate the redneck/white-trashiness that clings to everything in this movie.
Tyler Mane as Michael Myers is the only good choice Zombie made.
I know I have a lot of Horror friends who love this movie, so let me say that I'm not trying to push my opinion on anyone here. I really did try to like this film, but I feel it does not hold-up well at all.
Hey, I like all of Rob Zombie's original films, so here's hoping "31" is good.

It was about this point that I starting bingeing Bojack Horseman on Netflix, so that kinda took over all my movie watching time, until...

Movies 13 & 14
A Collection of Universal Monster films
Dir. Castle Films - Starring Claude Rains, Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff
Run Time: 120 Min - Viewed: 10/17/15 - 8:00PM - Five Stars
Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman
Dir. Roy William Neill - Starring Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr.
Run Time: 74 Min - Viewed: 10/17/15 - 10:30PM - Three Stars
This was a special Exhumed Films event at PhilaMOCA(a refurbished mausoleum, now a living love-letter to David Lynch), as they were showing Castle Films 8-minute cuts of over a dozen classic Universal Monster movies, screened on 16mm. These were the days BEFORE VHS, where the only way you could watch a movie is to secure a reel-to-reel copy.
The whole evening was an absolute blast, which was kicked-off by a costume contest(The Invisible Man/boy took home the grand prize) and free Halloween candy was available to everyone in the audience.
My only regret is that I did not show up in costume, not to enter the contest, but because I should take every opportunity to play dress up, as they don't come often at my age.
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As far as I can tell, I am not up for any bonus points from The Madness this week.

31 Days of Horror 2015: The Madness! - Round 1

You know the drill by now: let's see how many horror films we can fit into 31 days. This year I'm participating in a contest called The Madness, where movies are worth point values, according to various rules and regulations that are way too in-depth to get into here.

Movie 1
A Nightmare on Elm Street - Dir. Wes Craven - Starring Heather Langenkamp, John Saxon, Robert Englund
Run Time: 91 Min - Viewed: 10/04/15 - Midnight - Rating: Five Stars
I wached this one twice, so it would count in the contest.
What is there one can say about NOEM at this point that hasn't been covered more eloquently elsewhere? There's no need to explain why Fred Krueger would be every horror fan's first pick for the Horror Mount Rushmore(The other three choices are up for heavy debate), or why many fans are reluctant to accept anyone but Robert Englund slipping on the iconic glove. I myself, was so obsessed with this series back in grade school, that i was banned from watching by my parents. Not because of the violent content, but because it was getting in the way of my schoolwork.
As for the first chapter in the Elm Street series, it's still scary as hell, and I envy any young horror fan who gets to watch it for the first time.

Movie 2
Drag Me To Hell - Dir. Sam Raimi - Starring Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Dileep Rao
Run Time: 99 Min - Viewed: 10/4/15 - 2:57PM - Rating: Four Stars
I completely forgot that you should not eat during this film, as it's very goopy, and has several vomit scenes, one of which goes right into the lovely Alison Lohman's mouth.
Sam Raimi needs to write/direct another horror film asap.

Movie 3
Dawn of the Dead(1978) Dir. George Romero - Starring Ken Foree, Gaylen Ross
Run Time: 127 Min - Viewed: 10/5/15 - 5:23PM - Five Stars
Dawn of the Dead(2004) Dir. Zack Snyder - Starring: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Jake Weber
Run Time: 110 Min - Viewed: 10/5/15 - 8:41PM - Three Stars
Every year I try to compare and contrast a classic film with it's remake, and this one is easily the most fun double feature I've had in a long time.
If Hollywood insists on remaking every classic horror film(and they do insist), then this is exactly how you do it: take the original film's core concept, and twist it enough that, while still being recognizable, it makes it's own mark on the genre. I can't help but feel that this might've saved the ill-fated, shot-for-shot Psycho remake.
Retelling a story is one thing, but recasting classic characters is a near impossibility. the 2013 Evil Dead "remake" was very smart to not recast Ash, but instead created a new bad-ass female character in Mia(whom I hope pops up in the upcoming Ash Vs. The Evil Dead tv show).
A Day of the Dead remake is not far off, I'm sure, and it would behoove them to find the right people to help the project, ala James Gunn/Zack Snyder on the DOTD remake.

Movie 5
You're Next - Dir. Adam Wingard - Starring: Sharni Vinson, AJ Bowan, Joe Swanberg
Run Time: 95 Min - Viewed: 10/6/15 - 6:08PM - Rating: Three Stars
You're Next gets better and better with each viewing. Even more than the story, I love all the people involved with it. They're the new crop of young horror filmmakers who respect the genre and don't act like entitled children, or wannabe rock-stars(not a Rob Zombie knock; I actually like him).

Movie 6
My Bloody Valentine 3D - Dir. Patrick Lussier - Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Tom Atkins
Running Time: 101 Min - Viewed: 10/6/15 - 9:36PM - Rating: Two & a Half Stars
Another good example of a remake done right. Plus, this is still the only 3D movie that I've seen in cinemas where the 3D was actually really well done, added to the story, and actually lasted the entire film, not just certain action scenes. There's no doubt in my mind that MBV3D was Hollywood's way of testing 3D on audiences, as it now infests every mainstream film that gets released these days.

Movie 7
The 'Burbs - Dir. Joe Dante - Starring: Tom Hanks, Henry Gibson, Carrie Fisher
Running Time: 101 Min - Viewed: 10/8/15 - 7:29PM - Rating: Three Stars
One of the problems with filling the month of October up with nothing but horror films, is that it sometimes leaves me feeling empty, what with all the blood and the viscera bombarding me, and I was kind of feeling that on this night, so I decided to watch The 'Burbs, even though people have argued with me that it's not a horror movie, not even a horror comedy.
False. False false false. While Tom Hanks and company are absolutely not the horror, the Klopeks, who move in next door and are likely cannibals, are the horror. There's nothing comedy about them. The comedy is all the neighbor's reactions to the Klopeks and the oddness they bring.
The 'Burbs perfectly fit the October/Halloween motif, and I recommend everyone give it a watch this month.

Movie 8
The Mist - Dir. Frank Darabont - Starring: Thomas Jane, William Sadler, Marcia Gay Harden
Running Time: 126 Min - Viewed: 10/9/15 - 7:20PM - Rating: Two & a Half Stars
Good, brooding adaptation of a Stephen King short story, that's well acted, and violent as hell, but I can't get past the terrible CGI tentacles that terrorizes the store. This film would've really benefitted from some practical effect monsters, with a CGI-sheen added in post.
I watched this with my Mother, who's a huge fan of King's work. She liked it. We had pizza. I gave the pizza Five Stars.

Movie 9
Frankenhooker - Dir. Frank Henenlotter - Starring: James Lorinz, Patty Mullen, Joseph Gonzalez
Running Time: 85 Min - Viewed: 10/10/15 - 9:15PM - Rating: Three Stars
I had to find a Horror film that I could watch with friends who aren't into Horror films, which normally isn't easy, but when I came across Frankenhooker on Showtime On-Demand, I knew we had a winner.
They enjoyed it enough, based solely on the movie's constant bizarreness. I wonder how they'd respond to one of  Henenlotter's other films, Basket Case?

The Green Inferno review

Ah, Eli Roth. A name in modern horror that truly divides fans of the genre straight down the middle. Some love his work, while it seems others absolutely hate him and his "lame attempts at shock-horror". 

My opinion on Roth: he's a hell of an idea man, a really good filmmaker and does a good job at casting his films. His problem? Eli is dreadful when it comes to dialogue. Absolutely horrific. It's the grace of the talent of the actors that seem to save his films from becoming laughable farces. 

Roth is obviously a fratboy douchebag, so he only knows how to write fratboy douchebags. See literally every character in Cabin Fever and Hostile. 

Ironically enough, I feel that Hostile Part 2 is Roth's best written film, and that features a main cast of female protagonists, juxtaposed to the knobs in the first Hostile, or the mixed nuts of males/females in Cabin Fever. 

This brings us to Eli's latest(and first directorial effort in 7 years), The Green Inferno, a cannibalistic love letter to Italian flesh eater cinema of the Grindhouse era. 

The plot goes as this: upon hearing news of Ugandan Tribes being wiped out by Big Business who want to mine the lands that the Tribes inhabit, a group of college activists fly down to make a difference. Sadly, their plane crashes in the middle of the jungle and the students are captured by the cannibalistic villagers. You can guess what happens next isn't pleasant, and you'd be right. Lots of blood, gore and pooping takes up the remainder of the film, all while what's left of the students try to figure out an escape, before they end up passing through the small intestines of the locals.

I loved The Green Inferno. It moves at a good pace, does an excellent job with the characters(we still have to put up with Roth's lousy dialogue, though it's not as bad here) and the gore is uncomfortable and awesome. 

Sadly, it would seem that Inferno will likely be a box office bomb, although it's still possible for it to recoup it's 5 million dollar budget. This is important, because with the endlessness of found footage exorcism remakes that seem to be glutting main stream horror, the genre needs more diverse films like The Green Inferno to shake things up. 

Hopefully we don't have to wait another 7 years for Eli Roth's next film, because he seems to be growing as a filmmaker*.

*there's a certain diarrhea scene that makes me question this statement. 

Uncanny eXfest V: The Case of the Utterly Despicable

One day removed from the 2015 eXfest, and despite the crowd's unfavorable reaction to a few of the films shown, I can't help but feel that this was the strongest Exploitation Festival yet. If you don't agree with that sentiment, I'm sure you can at least agree that it was the most challenging group of films & shorts that Harry and the gang at Exhumed Films has ever put together. Let's get to it!

11:00am: Prizes and announcements.
Dan announced their June show, which is a Massacre Triple Feature of Meat Clever Massacre, Mardi Gras Massacre and Drive-In Massacre. I'm sure it'll be a fun-filled romp.

11:15am: Action/crime fan favorite from an iconic director
-Assault on Precinct 13 (1976 Dir. John Carpenter)
I think most of us were surprised that they started with such a well known film, but I had no complaints as I'd never seen Precinct 13, and this was the best way to experience it for a first time.
It's a bit of an odd film, but it just screams Carpenter, which is probably why it's beloved. I honestly don't see how Precinct 13 is an exploitation film, and I welcome someone to explain it to me.

1:00pm: Kung Fu Comedy never released theatrically, on VHS, or DVD
-Ninja Busters (1984 Dir. Paul Kyriazi)
This. Was. A delight. Ninja Busters is one of those films that you can't believe IS an actual film. It's for people who're fans of the Kung Fu classic Miami Connection, as these two would make a perfect stoner double feature.
I don't remember there being much of a story; Ninja Busters is 70 minutes of montages, with 20 minutes of plot on the side.

2:45pm: Infamous exploitation drama/character study - animal lovers be warned!
-Born to Die aka Cockfighter (1974 Dir. Monte Hellman)

Are ya havin' a good time, audience? A fun shoot-em-up, followed by a wacky Ninja romp? Well, here's a heaping spoonful of graphic animal violence for you. Swallow it whole.
Born to Die is the "Over The Top" of professional cock fighting movies, except featuring up close, slow motion footage of roosters clawing & pecking each other to death, instead of greasy, swollen, arm wrestling men. So both films are equally offensive when you think about it.
The juxtaposition of Born to Die is that it's actually a good movie, outside of the bloodshed. A bluray with an edited version(as well as the unedited original), ala Cannibal Holocaust, would be much appreciated.
As the film ran, I noticed more and more people leaving the theater for it's remaining duration, and I noticed that the young lady behind me had been crying as the lights came on.
Challenging and sadistic? Yes! Quality story and well acted? Yes! Did I keep confusing Harry Dean Stanton with William Devane? ...yes.

4:15pm: Cheech & Chong's Basketball Jones
What the actual fuck.

4:30pm: Silly sexploitation spoof
-Flesh Gordon (1974 Dir. Michael Benveniste & Howard Ziehm)
It's hilarious to realize that the Flash Gordon porn parody pre-dates the 1980 schlock epic by six years, and then you realize how much better Flesh would've been had it been based off the movie, rather than the '50s serial.
I talked this over with my buddy Phil, and we both agreed that nobody over the age of 13 would've used this as any adult would with real pornography. It's funny to think of Flesh Gordon as a Porn Starter Kit for some 8th grader who's just hitting puberty.

6:00pm: Italian action/crime movie
-Street Law (1974 Dir. Enzo G. Castellari)
I watched the first ten minutes. I watched the last ten minutes.
Street Law had an awesome score, from what little of it I heard.

The only downside to eXfest is that it usually falls on the first beautiful, non-rainy weekend of the year. I took this time to go for a nice walk, returning to the theater just in time for some rape/revenge antics.

8:00pm: Trashy, bizarre exploitation film that somewhat defies categorization
-Black Vengeance aka Poor Pretty Eddie(1975 Dir. Richard Robinson & David Worth)
Black Vengeance is a disjointed, but fun, blaxploitation/hixsploitation "black woman lost in the woods and kidnapped by local yocals" film.
While it was enjoyable in an eXfest setting, most people were annoyed that there was little to no actual black vengeance. I mean, she shoots her attacker after he'd already been shot-up by someone else. This film should've been titled "Black Closing the Barn Door after the Cows got Out."
A rape/revenge film is less satisfying when it lacks the key revenge aspect. Imagine Last House on the Left and I Spit on You Grave w/o the final act killing sprees? Without those scenes, you're left with revenge blue balls(and whatever the female equivalent is).

9:45pm: Sleazy, perverse, and unpleasant thriller
-Forced Entry (1975 Dir. Jim Sotos)
Nothing pleases an audience more than following up a rape/revenge film with an even worse rape/revenge film.
I noticed quite a few people leaving during the first on-screen murder, and then even more heading out when you disturbingly see the corpse's face during the aftermath. Sleazy, perverse and unpleasant indeed.
This was the only film of the day that a large portion of the audience "booed" as the credits rolled, just in case you wondered how people felt about this one. I'm interested in finding out what the Exhumed Films guys thought of those boos.
Apparently, this is a toned-down remake of a hardcore porn "roughie," of the same name, from 1973. Just for fun, here's the great Tanner Otoobach reviewing the hardcore version of Forced Entry.

11:00pm: 15 minutes of XXX hardcore porn trailers. Lots and lots of suckin' & fuckin'.

11:15pm: Transgressive streetwalker saga from a beloved/reviled filmmaker
-The Girls of 42nd Street (1973 Dir. Andy Milligan)
Ah, Andy Milligan. A favorite among the Exhumed Films crowd. I'm personally not a huge fan, but I did like this film.
'Girls' is the other side of the softcore coin. While softcore classics like Flesh Gordon are made to be silly and make teen boys laugh, Girls of 42nd Street was the type of film that Mom & Dad would turn on after you've gone to bed. They'd pay an extra $5 a month to the cable company, and get access to the Adult Entertainment. Romance ensued.
Nine months later, I was born. Thanks, Suburban Cable.
Interesting fact, Laura Cannon, who plays Dusty Cole in 'Girls,' also appears in the hardcore version Forced Entry. Coincidence?
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I had to leave halfway through the last movie, but I pretty much enjoyed every film that was screened this year. I reiterate this was Exhumed Films strongest eXfest to date, and I look forward to what they have in store for the rest of the year.

Other Space Season One Review

We are currently living in a new Golden Age of television, and the Gold is digital. Cable and broadcast TV is slowly going the way of the buffalo, and more and more people are using Hulu, Netflix and Amazon Prime instead, for all their TV needs. As those streaming services were primarily known for rebroadcasting old programs and movies, they are now developing original content, with shows like House of Cards, Transparent, and some Indian-hating Adam Sandler film that Netflix is producing.

Now the search engine Yahoo is getting into the digital streaming picture with Yahoo! Screen. So far, Yahoo! Screen only has three shows: Sin City Saints, the return of Community(saved from cancellation on NBC) and Other Space, the SciFi/comedy from Bridesmaids director Paul Feig.

I wasn't even going to bother with Other Space, as the ad campaign makes the show look awful(see the above picture). It looks like the cast is pogo-ing at a Ska show(i know they're floating in anti-gravity shut up).  It was Yahoo's aggressive YouTube-based advertising that got Other Space my attention.

The best description of Other Space is "Parks & Rec meets Red Dwarf, with a splash of Mystery Science Theater 3000." The ragtag crew, going on their first mission for the UMP, accidently fly through a rip in space that strands them far, far away from home. Now this crew, that barely knows what they're doing, have to survive in an unknown galaxy with nothing but strategy, bravery and boxes and boxes of fudge.

The basic "fish out of water with people who barely like one another" plot may be paint-by-numbers, tv wise, but I think that's the point here, as Other Space is anything but basic. The show never got boring, even after two back to back viewings, and the characters get richer and more detailed as the story progresses, which really kept me engaged.

Sadly, their are only 8 episodes in the first season, and there's no word yet if Yahoo! Screen will do a 2nd one. I'm not worried, as word of mouth spreads about how good Other Space is, I'm sure it'll get picked up a few years, at least.

Google and Yahoo have really stepped up their game, starting as simple search engines, now looking for world domination. We're all properly fucked when Alta Vista and Lycos get their shit together. I'm talking Skynet fucked. *starts humming the love theme from Terminator 2*

My thoughts on It Follows

Hipster Trash.
This is exactly how one my two friends described It Follows, as we walked through the concession area of the multiplex, being engulfed by a trove of people who had just finished watching Furious 7 at the same time our film finished.
I said that I had no qualms with her disliking the film, as that's anybody's prerogative, but I had no idea where she was coming from with the "hipster" description. Apparently, she doesn't seem to be alone in this thought, as I've noticed a few others since then also describing It Follows with the same jargon.

I was fortunate enough to walk into It Follows knowing nothing about the story. I trust my horror brethren(and sisteren), and when they say SEE THIS FILM IN THEATERS, I try my best to do my part. Sadly, it would be several weeks before it was playing within a 100 mile radius of me, but that wait was well worth it.

I loved this movie. I was drawn in right from the opening moments, and stayed there, eyes glued to the screen, as the end credits rolled. I don't want to go into too much detail about the movie itself, so I'll use one word to describe the feeling i had while watching it: dread.
It Follows is dripping with dread, and it was glorious.

I think the trailers that preceded the main feature really helped in making it look good, because they were piss poor. Some soulless scary kid flick, Insidious 3, a weak looking Poltergeist remake and some shot-on-Skype dreck called Unfriended* had me dreading the future of my favorite genre. Mainstream horror really has become stagnant and lazy, with the last really good horror film I remember seeing in theaters was The Conjuring. This is exactly the reason why we need to support a movie like this when it comes along in theaters.

Luckily, it seems It Follows is doing well enough, although I wish it was pulling in more people, like that overrated snoozefest Paranormal Activity did several years ago.

One problem here, though, is that It Follows will probably bore/go over the head of the average movie goer. It's not flashy, fast paced or in your face with jump scares. No, instead, it has a solid pace that keeps you wondering where It will come from next, and when It does show up OHMYFUCKINGGODRUNFORYOURLIFE. Great stuff.

Happily, I was not the only person who thought "This is totally a John Carpenter joint" while sitting in the theater. Everything from the pace, camera work, and the score(which I'm currently listening to) will remind you of Carpenter's early work.

I would go into more detail, but I want to keep this spoiler free. Come October, I'll go into more detail and theories for 31 Days of Horror.

Quick bullet points:
-It Follows reminded me of The Ring, which you'll understand if you've seen both films.
-I very much enjoyed the cast, and the way they were written. They were dumb kids, but not in an obnoxious way. Just dumb because "Hey We're Teens" lacking life experience, and we can't call the Ghostbusters to fight this malevolent spirit(or whatever It is).
-It Follows has a timeless/throwback feel to it, but one girl was using this odd clamshell shaped eReader or iPod Touch. I'd like more info on that, like why that bit of advanced tech was in a film that was obviously striving to feel older?
-I felt very claustrophobic while watching this, because of the situation of the main character. Did anyone else feel this way, or was that just me?
-I seriously doubt any guy who takes a girl to see this on a first date is getting laid that night. Or that month.



*if Unfriended makes any money, movies as an art form are dead. 

31 Days of Horror Year 7: Part 1

This has been the most scatter-shot 31 Days of Horror yet, and because of this, I'm going to change-up how we do things this year. I'm stripping down all the bells and whistles and just focusing on the movies, my experiences with them, and whatever else comes to mind.
In other words, a lot of yammering on and on. I have stories to tell friends, so come on over and sit a spell...

Movie 1 - The Exorcist III
So the very first day of October was thrown for a loop when a close friend of mine suddenly had to give birth to her baby a full month early, due to complications. And because of this, I was asked to house/dog-sit for the family, while they were in the hospital(everything is ok, now).
I decided to start the month with Exorcist 1 & III, but Matt from Dinosaur Dracula suggested I watch them in reverse order. I agreed.

I made it about 10 minutes into Exorcist III before I had to turn a light on.

Exorcist III is really good,  and has some truly frightening scenes, but it has klunky editing. Despite this, it's worth checking out.

Movie 2 - The Exorcist
I was dog tired when I started this one, and fell asleep a few times towards the end. Obviously it's not boring, but it had been a long day.

Movie 3 - Hellraiser
My tv broke earlier this year. It was a used, 42" flat-screen. Since I bought it used, it did not come with a stand. Since it did not come with a stand, the slightest bump into the dresser that it sat on would make the TV fall forward. Well, it's latest fall would be it's last, as a small handheld LED flashlight, sitting on my dresser, would stab my TV's heart like it was a flat-screen vampire. Sadness.
Last week I finally got a new tv from my parent's house: a 13" tube TV/VCR dealy. It's hilarious.
I watched a VHS copy of Hellraiser on that tiny TV, to test it out. I certainly wasn't going to test my Big Box copy of Video Violence on an old VCR.

Movie 4 - Resident Evil
My brother put it on. I watched the first 10 minutes before bed. It's a decent movie.
This film came out a few months after the Final Fantasy movie, which was Hollywood testing the waters on making all CG films, actor's included. That failed, despite Final Fantasy being a decent film.
A guy I worked with insisted that Resident Evil was another all CG film, even thought I assured him it wasn't. He's dead now.

Movie 5 - Odd Thomas
We lined up Lords of Salem to watch over my buddy's house, but for whatever reason, his blu-ray player wasn't working, so we randomly chose Odd Thomas on Netflix.
Odd Thomas is on odd film(pun intended) because it rides a fine line of having really awesome action scenes with horror elements, and eye-rollingly bad dialogue. Thankfully, the good outweighs the bad, and Odd Thomas is an enjoyable film, despite how badly it tries to pretend it's written by Diablo Cody.

Movie 6 - The Sacrament
Still at same friend's house with the non-loading blu-ray player, we all agreed to watch a film that none of us had seen. We quickly settled on the latest from Ti West, the man who brought us one of my favorite films: House of the Devil.
The Sacrament is good, but I personally felt that it had a weak dog-fart of an ending. It's certainly one of the best in the Found Footage genre, even through there seems to be way more than two cameras filming towards the end.
It's worth a watch. but I'm personally glad I didn't blind-buy it.

Movie 7 - Cabin in the Woods
I wanted to watch You're Next, but was vetoed.
I honestly feel that if you're a horror fan who did not like this movie, you probably have a stick up your ass.
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Today is the 12th of October, and I've only watched 7 films. There are several reasons for this, none of which I feel like getting into at the moment, but I do plan on attempting 31. I doubt I'll achieve that, but I sure as hell will try.

Exhumed Films Forgotten Film Fest Review

Exhumed Films, the fearsome foursome from the murky banks of New Jersey, are celebrating their 18th birthday this year. Over those 18 years, they've put together some of the most fun movie double feature/festival/marathons on the East Coast. You can tell that these guys really enjoy what they do, because it shows in the work they put in.

It seems, though, that they've shown almost everything there is to be shown, mainstream-wise. This leaves the EF crew with 2 choices:
A. Start repeating a lot of the shows they've already done. Or:
B. Time to get freaky and unknown.
Going by the shows they've put on this year, they are going with option B.

That's awesome, but no matter which option they'd choose, you're absolutely not going to please everyone(I still remember the ridiculous complaints that they showed too many sequels at one of the Horror-thons). You're either going to get people complaining that EF has shown these movies already, or you risk the chance of people no-showing because these are films they've never heard of.

Cut to this past Sunday, and what may be their most daring show yet: The Forgotten Film Fest. EF put together 5 films that have never been put on VHS/DVD/BluRay in the US, and 4 of which haven't been viewed by human eyes on 35mm in 40 years. That notion alone made this Fest sound very interestinmg, as I am one of those film fans who loves the unknown.

My only issue with this event was the order in which the films were shown. If anything, Skatetown USA should've ended the show. You don't open a boxing card with Mike Tyson, and then end with Foxy Boxing.

Before the first movie, a montage of trailers and music-related ads were shown, to put everyone in the mood. My personal highlight of the day happened immediately, when a 35mm ad for Live Aid, complete with Mick Jagger & David Bowie singing Dancin' In The Streets in it's entirety. I nearly choked on my own laughter; great stuff.

1. Skatetown USA

Here's what I was able to piece together, narrative-wise, from the scattershot comedy from 1979:
A white-afro'd Disco warlock runs are skating rink with his magic powers. This warlock is getting old and is looking to pass his power to another, so Skatetown USA holds a skate contest to see who will take his magical afro and rule with a bedazzled-gloved fist.
Enter a buffet of typical comedy stereotypes(missing only was the ME SO SOLLY Asian guy) to skate-it-out:
-A white guy who may or may not have been a mexican conquistador.
-Some ugly blond kid and his cute Marcia Brady sister(managed by the probably 12 years old Scott Baio).
-Another random skater I honestly can't remember.
-And, the main event, the world premiere of Patrick "Don't Put Baby In A Corner" Swayze!

Swayze's great in this, as his character is just a son of a bitch. Even better is the fact that his gang, featuring Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter as the heavy, looks like they fell out of the movie The Warriors and landed in the side dimension where Skatetown resonates, which I assume is somewhere near the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

The movie's soundtrack is fantastic, as it sounds like an endless mash-up of some of the hottest tunes the late '70s had to offer. Sadly it would seem that the soundtrack is the very reason why we haven't been treated to any real home video release of Skatetown, which is a real shame.

Hopefully, whomever owns the rights to both this film and the music will need some extra folding cash someday and will allow an unedited version of Skatetown USA to skate across America on Blu-ray.

2. Son of Dracula

From what I can barely remember, Vampire Harley Race arrives in modern day NYC to take over as King of the Underworld, which gets halted as he falls in love and decides he wants to be human. Scandal!
Produced by Ringo Starr(who just HAD to star as Merlin for whatever coked-up reason). Throw in some decent musical numbers to round the film out, and we have a movie that wants to be something, but to me, ended up being nothing. I had high hopes for this, but it bored me to sleep. The whole movie is on YouTube, so I am willing to give it another chance.

3. Blood

This one I completely bailed on, and I soon regretted that decision. Apparently despite it's slow opening, Blood got quite good and had a great ending. This one is also on YouTube, so I'll be giving that one another watch come October.

4. Murder on the Emerald Sea

This cheaply made comedy wasn't bad. A cop goes undercover as a beauty queen to enter a contest on a cruise ship to find out who's been killing all the other beauty queens. Includes a really goofy score that will haunt your dreams.

If they make a 23 jump Street, they should lift this plot, as it's ripe for a remake.(yes fine. i just want to see jonah hill in drag.)

5. The Satanist

The isn't a movie. I'm not sure exactly what to call it, but it isn't a movie by any means. This seems like a stag film you'd show your boozin' buddies at a mid '70s bachalor party.

Released in 1968, The Satanist was considered pornographic by the standards of the time. These days, minus the implied oral, The Satanist would barely get an R rating. This is why I found The Satanist to be the most fascinating film shown at the Fest. Not because of the content, or the 'story', but thinking that at one time, this reel of film was considered something that could ruin the moral fiber of a young mind.

My only issue with this event was the order in which the films were shown. If anything, Skatetown USA should've ended the show. You don't open a boxing card with Mike Tyson, and then end with Foxy Boxing.

If loads of boobies and making out(I mean A LOT of heavy petting here) are your thing, then The Satanist is right up your alley.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go put on Human Centipede 2, while watching some Bum Fights on my iPad.

The Strain sort-of Review

Television shows(TV shows for short) have slowly but surely been out-doing their theatrical counter-parts, entertainment wise, for a good part of the past decade. You could probably point the finger squarely at LOST back in 2004. That show came out of nowhere and became a huge phenomenon in no time.

So every network went looking for the next huge sci-fi/fantasy genre hit. Cue AMC and The Walking Dead in 2009. Nobody expected a Zombie drama based on an Indie Comic to do well. I'm sure if they expected it to make as huge an impact as it did, AMC would've ordered more than 6 episodes for the first season.

Walking Dead ended up being an even bigger hit than LOST ever was.
I knew that from this, other cable networks were going to comb the landscape of the independent comic book scene to find the next possible hit. No surprise, the FX Network struck first, announcing a TV show based on the "police procedural in a super hero world" comic book Powers.

That was in 2010, and Powers has been stuck in developmental hell, with only a pilot filmed at this point. I don't even think FX plans on airing Powers anymore, now that I've heard that the Playstation Network is developing the show for their new line of original programming.

FX, which has a fine history of edgy dramas, was now without their own Walking Dead.

This past Sunday, FX debuted their latest drama, The Strain, based off a series of horror novels, and a Dark Horse Comics series.

This show was completely off my radar. The only reason I knew I'd give this show a chance was because FX has a fantastic track record with tv dramas in the past. My two favorite non-Breaking Bad shows from the past 5 years are Justified, and the sadly canceled-too-soon boxing drama Lights Out from 2011.

When I learned that The Strain was about Vampires, I probably rolled my eyes. I then heard that it's a vampire-virus that infects NYC, which sounded a bit better, but I still wasn't looking forward to it. Even the knowledge that the great Guillermo del Toro was one of the creators did nothing to peak my interest past "meh, I'll check it out". I wouldn't have even remembered that it was premiering this past Sunday if not for my buddy Phil reminding me via telegram.

On a whole, I absolutely loved this first episode. It did a really good job of having a lot happen, without giving too much away. The episode had a great creep factor too it, as the idea of an airplane landing without any communication whatsoever is fantastically scary. I couldn't help but see a correlation between this and the beginning of the movie Nightmare City, with the silent airplane lands and sends out countless scabby-headed zombies(it's a great film, if you've never seen it).

The show has a good cast, with the best-known actor being fat Hobbit Sean Astin as a member of the CDC team that is checking out the spooky airplane. I will say, despite the solid cast, the acting is a bit on the cheesy side, and it might bother some. I forgive that because this is based on a comic book, and the violence is fantastic.

Speaking of that, this show will satiate any gore-hound. I won't go too deep into details, but I do need to point out that The Strain features a brutally beautiful(brutiful?) head-smashing that blew me away. It was unnecessary, awesome and sets a violent tone for the rest of the series.

My only problem with The Strain is a hokey sub-plot about Dr. Ephraim Goodbody and his year-long separation with his wife. We first meet him as he's late for his marriage therapy session, where wifey and the therapist do a damn good job making this poor guy look like an asshole because he very busy with his job at the CDC. The CDC! It's not like he's a butcher or a mall security guard! And the guy's obviously not a dick, and obviously loves his wife and son, and at one point wifey's new boyfriend says that no man should put his job before his wife while they watch a news report about the airplane and how it could possibly be a health risk, which is where Dr. Goodbody is! I mean how stupid is that?
Perhaps as the show goes on, we'll get some back-story featuring Goodbody killing kittens or something that's deserving of this treatment, but so far it's moronic.

The show is filmed beautifully, too. Every shot looks great. I don't know if that has anything to do with Del Toro's hand on the series, but I hope the episodes he doesn't direct still look as good.

The show also features:
-Crazy old Van Helsing-type with make-shift sword in his cane!
-Zombie vampires!
-The hispanic guy from Veronica Mars!
-Neil Diamond!
-Milk!
-The WWF's Kurrgan!

I am excited to see what's in store for the rest of season 1, because as far as I'm concerned, The Strain is well on it's way to outdoing not only Walking Dead's first season, but it's entire series altogether.

The Strain is a head-smashingly good time!

Uncanny eX-Fest 2014

This past weekend, Exhumed Films held their annual celebration of exploitation cinema, eX-Fest. Here's a rundown of the day's shenanigans:

-We celebrated a birthday.




-Prizes were given away to lucky members of the crowd.

-EF announced upcoming shows for the Summer of Sci-Fi:
Starman and Escape from New York on June 20th
The LOST Film Fest on July 20th
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock and Dune on August 23rd

-And then the film spools rolled:

THE EAGLE'S SHADOW
I did not grow up watching kung fu films, and I'm not a real big fan of them as an adult, so I was not thrilled when the first film was indeed Kung Fu-y. Thankfully, Eagle's Shadow was a lot of fun.
This early Jackie(or Jacky in the credits[which I pronounced JACK-AYE]) Chan film featured the greatest fighting style in history: Kitty Cat Style! Me-OW!
When Snake Style fails Jack-Aye, and he recieves one too many ass-whuppins', he gains Kitty Cat Style after watching a cat fight a cobra for several minutes. If only everything in life could be learned that easily. 

Great stuff, and highly recommended.

FACE TO FACE
I gave this spaghetti western 20 minutes, and then bailed when I realized that it severely lacked spaghetti. I fed the meter. Chatted with people. Probably took a leak.
This is great stuff why am i not a professional writer yet?

BAMBOO HOUSE OF DOLLS
A "women in prison" film, that was about 75% enjoyable. Somewhere in he middle the movie became really boring, but regained steam during the finale. If you took a shot every time you saw boobs or heard the term Jap, you'd be dead.

THE BEST OF SEX & VIOLENCE
This is a trailer compilation movie, so a few of us took this time to go get a nosh at Pizza Rustica. Despite my love for all day film festivals, it was way too gorgeous of a day to spend all of it indoors, and this pizzeria has a great outdoor section. We bullshitted about everything from wrestling to ex's for an hour, and then we trotted back to the I-House for our next film.

THE MAFU CAGE
I had no idea what the good goddamn christ was going on in this film for the first 15 minutes. I kept asking "What the fuck's a mafu and why is Carol Kane going to kill herself for one?"
As it turns out, Mafu was an orangoutang.
Carol Kane plays Cissy, who, as a child, grew up with her father in Africa, and is now living with her sister in America after Daddy died, and raises monkey's in a large cage at her house. The problem is, Carol is as nutty as a pile of hammers and keeps killing her Mafu's. Then things get crazy.
This was a slow burn, and I loved every minute.

CLASS OF 1984
Was this film a little too mainstream for eX-Fest? Not at all. Although I'd heard of this gem, I had never seen it. This gritty 35mm print made my first watch all the better.
The plot is simple enough: new music teacher in a inner city High School has to deal with a sleaze-ball gang that "runs" the school.
If your still not interested, just know that it features the always awesome Roddy McDowall.

COONSKIN
I wanted to like this film, I really did. It had a lot going for it, like Barry White and Scat-man Crothers, dirty 1970's Harlem and being animated by the great Ralph Bakshi. The problem is there's too much time that passes where absolutely nothing happens. Most of my friends went home during Coonskin, but I'm glad I stuck around for the final film.

Eager Beavers
Despite the ridiculous title, this was not a porn.
Some dude in the worst fake beard in film history gets ornery with a waitress at a nightclub, and decides to follow her home and murder her to death. He then proceeds to "shave" and get a job as a bouncer at the same club so he can kill the rest of the girls who witnessed the crime.
This was highly entertaining, but I feel that eX-Fest should end with something a little crazier.
If I had set the order of films, I would've put Eager Beavers first, and ended with the Jack-Aye Chan Joint. Definitely more of a crowd-pleasing ending.

That brings us to my only real issue with this year's event: there was nothing too crazy shown. After the big "to do" the EF guys made about the van-load of film prints that they acquired, we really thought that this was going to be an insane event, which I feel it was far from.
Maybe they're saving those for the LOST Film Fest in July?

Still had a great time, though, and I can't wait for the Summer of Sci-Fi.